Disclaimer: this account is based off of my personal experiences and my opinion as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Preferences and results may vary.

Recently, I finally built up the courage to publicly come out to friends and family members on Facebook. It might have come as a bit of a shock to some, while at the same time, some people told me they've known all along. Either way, I anxiously read through the comment section, replied graciously to congratulatory messages, and felt my heart race as the 'likes' on my status multiplied. I am lucky that I was met with such positive and loving support, but it made me realize how uncomfortable people become when they are afraid to say the wrong thing.

While it isn't uncommon to be part of or know somebody in the LGBTQ+ community, some people haven't had to experience a loved one or friend coming out of the closet. Personally, I was the first one on my mom's side of the family to be openly queer. Coming out was a big deal for me, because it took me a very long time to not only accept, but love and embrace who I am.

To some people, coming out doesn't feel necessary, and unfortunately, some people cannot come out at all. It isn't always a big deal, and it doesn't always end positively. But coming out publicly is a unique and personal experience that feels both uncomfortable and secure.

So: What do you do when someone you know 'comes out'?

It's actually a lot simpler than you might think. Some people believe that staying silent is best, to avoid saying the wrong thing. In my experience, this isn't the best. While it isn't hurtful, it isn't necessarily helpful either. By coming out, your loved one is acknowledging a small part of them. You don't have to make a huge scene, but mutually acknowledging it can help someone feel more comfortable and as if there isn't a huge elephant in the room. If you don't voice your support, your loved one could feel as if you are uncomfortable with that part of who they are.

There is another misconception that because this person publicly came out, they would be comfortable discussing their sexuality and relationships at length. While they are revealing something kind of personal, it doesn't have to get that personal.

You should also try to save most of your questions for google. The last thing I wanted after I came out was to be interviewed, or have to answer some questions that might come across as ignorant. As much as I'd love to educate people on LGBTQ+ issues, it gets a little frustrating when somebody asks, "So which one of you pays for the dates?" Some things just shouldn't have to be explained.

The best advice I can give is to speak up. Not everyone is in need of reassurance from the people around them, but it is better to acknowledge and support that person than to not. Defend your LGBTQ+ friends and family no matter what. Be proud of their pride. Do not make the situation about yourself by sharing your own experiences unless it would be considered helpful. For me, coming out took years. It was a ton of hard work that was invisible to most people around me. I can finally live my life without feeling the weight of a 'secret' on my back.

All members of the LGBTQ+ community deserve respect, support, and reassurance, whether they are publicly out or not.

So when people asked me what they should say or do to help me, the answer was simple:

Consider what it would feel like to be in this situation right now. Respect me and my life, and who and how I love. Think about whether you are being helpful or hurtful. Say something kind.