Seeking help should not be seen as weak or a waste of time. I'm a huge supporter of counseling because without it, I wouldn't have the more positive mindset that I do now, nor would I have the tools I use daily for dealing with my depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. I learned so many important lessons and coping skills that most people never do, and this will only help me for the rest of my life in dealing with emotions, relationships, and loss.
1. Change doesn't happen overnight.Â
It doesn't always happen over weeks, months, or years even. I've seen multiple counselors through my adolescence, and there is never a clear answer as to what can solve your problems or why you feel the way you do. Most counselors will give you homework or things to work on between sessions to help you achieve your goals, but they give you tools that take practice. Positive self-talk, affirmations, learning to identify harmful thoughts and change them and effective emotional communication are difficult things that everyone needs to learn, but it's taken me years of working on it just to get it halfway down. When you're feeling low or hopeless, nothing will change unless you make a plan of action or identify what needs to be done in order to come out of it. The cycle will always repeat.
2. It's okay to not be okay.
Sometimes you really just have to wallow in self-pity and allow yourself to feel sadness or anger. Things happen in life that can only get better with time and healing. When we experience inevitable negative emotions, sometimes the best thing to do is burrito in your coziest blanket, eat comfort food, and give yourself a day to do nothing but feel sad. The important part to this, though, is when you wake up the next day to try to continue life normally. You gave yourself the time you needed to wallow, but it's not healthy to do so every day. If you simply can't go on, you need to seek help.
3. If you can't connect with your counselor, you can find a different one.
Some people just don't click. You'll find yourself sitting on a couch feeling uncomfortable and unwilling to trust the person you're supposed to share your secrets and emotions with. If you feel like you're not able to trust your counselor or connect with them in order to achieve your goals, they will understand if you decide to end treatment with them. They are professionals that realize they aren't going to get through to everyone that comes to see them. Your therapist might even have contacts that they feel will suit your needs better. Don't give up if you can't make progress with the first person you see.
4. You can control your life.
Unexpected things can and will happen. You'll lose your job, your long-term relationship will end, you'll fail a class, you'll have to move. Nothing is guaranteed. No person, place, or thing is permanent. Nothing is owed to you. These are scary thoughts, right? As hard as this stuff is, it probably will happen outside of your control. The only thing you can control is how you react. Go back to point #2 for a day, and then come back to reality and decide how you are going to continue. Things are going to suck for a while, but only you are responsible for making changes that will positively affect your life. Only you can find a new, better job and network with people. Only you can decide when and who you will date. Only you can make a commitment to your schoolwork. The unexpected happens, but you are the one that can control what happens next.
If you feel like you have to talk to someone, don't hesitate anymore. There is nothing to lose when you talk to a professional, and you'll realize you have more support thank you think.
