Surrender means trusting that the Prince of Peace is stronger than your fears
Have you ever felt sad for no good reason?
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I've been experiencing that this past week. I've been sad and can't explain why. Each day, something just brings me to tears. And I started to feel like the sadness wasn't going to leave. No matter what I did I couldn't get happy. Is this how I'm going to feel for all of winter break? I started to wonder.
Now, I've had plenty of anxious thoughts before, but I've never felt so consumed by them. I felt powerless. Trapped. I was scared. I have a lot of friends who have struggled with depression and anxiety, and these last couple days have just opened my eyes to how real it is.
I spent a few days just wanting to be alone. I was listening to Bethel Music in my room and these lyrics seemed to come straight from God.
There's no place I can go
Where your love won't find me
No place I can hide
That you don't see
When I'm misunderstood
Your love understands me
You see it all, you see it all
You're in everything
That's when I realized my God is stronger than whatever it is I'm going through. I can hide from people but I can't hide from Him. Because He's always there. And I decided to cry out to Him instead of hiding in my room, closing myself off from everyone, and accepting defeat. Loneliness started to feel scary so I left my apartment and walked to Starbucks to study. I ran into 3 different friends, lifting my mood a little more each time, and finally met God during the church service that I decided to go to that night. The series has been on peace, just what I needed. This verse stuck with me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. | John 14:27
A perfect relationship, a steady job, or a life where everything goes to plan might look like peaceful living, but those circumstances don't satisfy us for long. No matter how great everything is going, no matter how much we feel in control, we'll constantly be searching for more. We were designed to crave love, peace, security...but we weren't designed to satisfy those cravings in things of this world. That's why the American Dream involves constant climbing of the corporate ladder; with each accomplishment we're left searching for more. Only God can satisfy this desire. And we don't have to rely on our circumstances in order to receive it. We can be in the must uncertain, bumpy, dark season of our lives and still experience peace, because it is not the absence of anything, but rather the presence of God. And we don't have to go somewhere to be with Him, we just have to accept Him as our Lord and Savior and He'll make a home in our hearts forever. You guys, He's always there. If you've grown up around church like me, you've heard it a thousand times. The hardest part is letting myself believe it.
For me, I'm approaching a season full of uncertainty. I'm leaving behind all my loved ones and I'm scared of losing them. I've let fear taken control and I've been so busy this semester worrying about school and work and relationships and my future that I've distanced myself from the One who I know I need so desperately during this time. When you don't know people well it's hard to fully trust them, and it's the same way with God.
I can ask God all I want to take away my anxiety, but if I don't believe with everything in me that He is capable of replacing sorrow with joy...bondage with freedom, then how can I expect to find healing?
If you're struggling, don't be afraid to ask others to pray for you. It's okay to not be okay. Admitting we don't have it all together is the first step to experiencing healing.
Next is trusting that God is good. His plan for your future is better than anything you could ever imagine. And He loves you so so much. I think sometimes we have to be broken before God's light can shine through. We need to be brought to our knees, crying out for Him before we realize our need. Whatever you're going through right now, keep your head up, stay encouraged, and know that God's taking all the broken pieces to make something beautiful.
We just can't see it yet.
I'll leave you with scripture that I'll be holding tight to throughout the next month and next semester, from 2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
