Over the past few months, I hit a new point in my spiritual life that has only been described to me as spiritual dryness. What I originally thought was an annoying transition between college life to home life ended up being the most difficult trial I have ever endured in my faith. After a long time of going to mass and being energized by the people who surrounded me, as well as being fully aware of the mystery that took place in the Eucharist, I despaired in finding out that I no longer felt this energy inside of me. It seemed to me that the spark of life and joy that people would see instantly in me, was either burning out or completely gone. I was traumatized. I wanted nothing more than to simply feel again when I was speaking about, reflecting on, and even just immersed in spiritual things. More often than not, I was stunted by an unexplained nothing-ness that I had no power over. In the midst of this, I desperately latched onto any source of consultation I once knew would restore me to those feelings once again. I was disappointed time and time again to find that nothing could work as it once used to.

All of a sudden, something changed. I began to seek truth rather than feeling. I focused on what I knew and held close to me as the reality of Christ, and not just to what Christ made me feel. Feelings come and go, they adapt based on a number of circumstances, therefore they cannot be trusted. I learned then that faith, while it is important to be felt at times, can only be rooted in truth. I still never got over this transition, I may never will. However, among all these things there is no doubt in my heart that the truth is in Christ and if I just hold fast to this love of which I know is there then will endurance come.

Faith is more than just a feeling, it is found in knowledge and truth. My hope is to be reconnected with those feelings, however until then I will patiently endure to find Christ in the truth I know is there.