When I tell people that I just found some guy online who hosts volunteers in Kenya they give me a look that asks “are you an actual crazy person?”. Luckily everything turned out alright, more than alright, because that guy from the world wide web has allowed me to go on adventures I could have never dreamed of, and in turn, these adventures have taught me many lessons in life including lessons on loneliness.
It could just be my own crippling anxiety, but I feel like most Americans have this fear of being alone. Whether it be dying alone or dining alone, we’re just not big fans. It’s kind of an unusual, yet admired, thing to see a movie alone or go on a date with yourself to dinner. I remember someone introducing themselves and saying “one of my favorite things to do is go see movies by myself” as if that was some huge, defining, character trait. Going alone anywhere makes me nervous. Not because of rational fears like being robbed or kidnapped, but simply because people will notice I’m alone, and what would they think? What I’ve noticed, though, is no one gives a flying fish whether you’re eating alone or with a friend here. In fact, if you go somewhere to have a meal, you’re probably not the only one there alone. No one really cares too much about what you’re doing at any moment. They have their own life to live, why would they pay too much attention to what’s happening on your end of the universe? Maybe Americans are too self centered to realize literally every one else has a life outside of yours. For some reason self consciousness and judgement are engrained into American societal norms. It feels extremely liberating, and pretty bad ass, to develop an attitude opposite of that, and then carry it around with you as a general practice in life.
When I first came to Kenya I had my cousin by my side and I felt invincible. We were the dynamic mzungu duo, laughing our way through Kenya. When she decided to leave early it scared the shit out of me. I tried everything in my power to convince her to stay, but the universe had other plans. Fast forward two years later and I found myself booking a plane ticket to Kenya, but this time I didn’t have anyone going with me. While solo travel was a big step for me in theory, in practice it was the greatest decision I’ve ever made, and a lot easier than I expected it to be. Being a 5’10” white girl in East Africa just walking down the street attracts a lot of unwanted attention. It’s kind of like exposure therapy to the max. Not having the added security blanket of camaraderie forces me to put on my big girl pants and keep trucking, because that’s the only option. There are times that I just want to wear a t-shirt that says, in big capital letters, “I GET IT. I’M WHITE.” The thing is, being here gives me a lot of perspective on race that I wouldn’t otherwise get in America. Granted, I’m treated very nicely most of the time, and I’m fully aware the minorities in America don’t have that privilege. White privilege exists, even in Africa, but I do notice here and there when somebody chooses the other seat instead of the one next to me. That isn’t something I would particularly experience, or even pay attention to, stateside.
The thing about traveling, and living, in the communities I’m in is I’m never truly alone. It might drive the introvert in me crazy some days, but at the end of the day it’s beyond comforting to know I have Kenyan friends who are more like Kenyan family that are always right here to make sure I’m comfortable. My mom fears when I tell her I’m living alone for a few weeks, or when I tell her about how the walk from the street to the school I work at is a long one, but I find refuge in knowing that I have a community of friends here who genuinely care, and vice versa. Kenya has a lot of love to give.
Living alone in another country has taught me that being alone isn’t inherently a bad thing. Solo travel allows room for added perspective and gives space for new experiences every day. Loneliness, no matter where in the world, should be taken as a sign from the universe that it’s time to work on some personal, and possibly spiritual, growth if you're into that sorta thing. A lot of people fear being alone, but instead of running from it, I think embracing it and seeing what adventures it takes you on can be really eye opening.
