I have depression.
Those are some of the toughest words someone can say. It is painful to realize that the feeling, that consumes and corrodes, is not just a phase, a small rut that you will fall out of soon, but something much bigger. Depression, and mental illness as a whole, seem to be a topic that people tend to avoid. I can’t think of why that would be since many, if not most, of the people I know have suffered from some form of mental illness, especially depression. And depression is complex. It can present itself in numerous ways and feels different for everyone. Which is why it is important to deal with it delicately, though not so delicately as to let the person sit and stew in their own pot of sadness. But there are several things that you can do or say that I found help, not only myself, but many of my friends who are also living with this horrid disorder. Now I am no doctor or psychiatrist, but having depression and having many friends with depression, these are some things that guided myself, my family and my friends in dealing with this disorder.
Don't say, "There is nothing to be sad about."
This is maybe the worst thing you could possibly say. First, depression does not always manifest itself in sadness. Sometimes it is frustration, anxiety or everything. It is likely that the person already know there's not something to be sad about, but they can’t not feel this way. This could, in turn, make them feel worse as they feel like their emotions are not justified (when really they are through science).
Do say, "What can I help you with?"
Usually, a depressed person has trouble doing everyday things, even getting out of bed. Sometimes the smallest chore can turn into the biggest mountain. By asking this, even if help is not accepted, the person will feel like they have support in doing those small things which may even make them seem easier.
Don't say, "If you go out you will
feel better!"
That is not always true. Yes, sometimes getting out of the house will help, but saying it like that may make a person feel guilty for not getting out of the house. There are better ways to get a person out than this.
Do say, "Would you like to go for a walk?"
Again, even if this suggestion is rejected, then the person knows you are there when they are ready. If it is accepted, then you get them out of the house and doing something productive. And no matter how small of a step, it is a step nonetheless.
Don't say, "I know how you feel."
Depression is completely different for everyone. So no one will really ever know exactly how someone else is feeling. And implying that you do know exactly what they are feeling can be insulting, because no one does.
Do say, "Help me understand how you feel."
You may never know exactly how the person feels or be able to comprehend, but sometimes it helps the person to get out exactly how their feeling and know that someone is really trying to understand.
Don't say, "Leave depression untreated."
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was live with undiagnosed depression. I had no clue what was going on, I just knew that I constantly felt like I was sinking. And the longer it goes untreated, the harder it becomes to deal with.
Do help your loved one get to a
psychologist or psychiatrist of some kind to get the help they need.
