Love should be...

respect, not abuse (of any kind)

positive, not negative

honesty, not lies

listening, not accusing

about sharing, not restriction

encouraging, not belittling

comfortable, not threatening

mutual, not controlling

caring, not unnecessary pressure

It has taken me years to learn these things. It took one bad relationship to change the way I thought about myself; it has taken several failed relationships to truly see the difference between right and wrong.

I'm not saying every relationship was a failure because it actively failed. I'm not saying it was never my fault. I learned that I was too forgiving, that I lost sight of my values. I learned that my independence did not have to be a hindrance on others, but rather a strength to build on. I learned that I love deeply and quickly; I jump without thinking and when I do so I don't see red flags. Most importantly, for me personally, I learned that I stay more often than I should. I have high hopes that things will work out and sometimes it's just not meant to be.

This may sound depressing to some, but I'm quite proud of what I have learned about myself. I have continuously compromised my values and beliefs and I will no longer apologize for who I am. I want to continue to learn how to love myself.

I will continue to learn respect for myself, to be positive and honest about who I am and what I want out of life. I will continue to learn to listen to my gut and trust it. I will not restrict my full potential for others or tolerate belittling. I will learn to find comfort in silence and mutual understanding for others.

Regardless of how others have treated me, I will continue to care for those who seek it as I cannot let pain change my heart.

*If you have any questions about healthy and unhealthy relationships, visit www.loveisrespect.org