It was on a Wednesday night when, for the first time, I encountered a boy who didn't believe my "no" until I had to practically scream it at him. I realized the terrifying possibility that he could sexually assault me because he thought I was joking. It was then that I truly understood that some people, especially guys, still don't understand the idea of consent and the experience that I went through happens way too often.
Growing up, my mom always warned me to be careful around boys. Be selective with who you're involved with. Be constantly aware of your surroundings. Actively use the buddy system at parties. When I was in a sorority, they presented us with a video that taught us how to distinguish consent about tea.
Every girl has been told these things from one time or another because it is our job to know when a guy is crossing the line. But even with our sufficient knowledge on these types of situations, I can assure you no girl thinks it could really happen to her until it's too late.
I never fully understood the gravity of my experience until I was telling my friends about how much of a jerk the guy was and explaining what had taken place. Every friend I told had a serious expression on their face, one friend went as far as threatening assault if he saw him at a party my roommates and I were throwing that week.
I thought this was an overreaction, but when I started to think objectively about what had happened, it began to hit me that my experience echoed those situations I learned about from my mom and the tea video.
When I texted him to let him know how I felt, the guy was immediately defensive, saying that it wasn't a big deal because he stopped eventually. It shocked me that he didn't see a problem in ignoring the first 15 no's because he stopped at the 16th. "I'm a good guy," he said, "Did you really think that I would do something as terrible as sexual assault?"
The fact is I didn't know. I didn't know if he had the same idea of consent that I had, I didn't know if he knew when he was crossing the line, I didn't know if he had the capacity to stop himself. What I did know was that I wanted him to stop the first time I said no.
In what is now becoming the #MeToo age, I feel that it is essential to share these experiences to let people who have had similar encounters that they are not alone as well as to educate guys to become as learned as most women are on consent. Because although it is vital for women to know about consent, the responsibility shouldn't fall on them to educate men on the definition of no.
