I'm not normally the person who is into sappy, love crap but, recent events have given me times to think about relationships with people I have in my life. I had an epiphany. Change will come to some the relationships I have right now. I know, I know, I've only been in what some may call a "real" relationship for 7 months but, I have learned a lot from it so far and I know I will learn more along the way.
Now, some may think love doesn't exist, you can't find it, or doubt your decision on knowing you're in love but listen, love varies from relationship to relationship. Family love is vastly different then love between friends and those are extremely different than love between a couple. It can be hard to know you want to spend the rest of your life or even a long period of time with one person but, here is what I found in my experiences:
Trust and Communication are the most important things. I'm not just talking about trust with who you're hanging out with or secrets, I'm talking about emotional trust. Feeling completely comfortable showing emotions, expressing them, and communicating them is something that can build up a relationship. See, in those moments of weakness for one person or another, how the other person reacts and feels after that moment is important. Feeling like you can be their strength when they are weak and vise versa is so important. As something I've learned from personal experience as well as something I've learned from my interpersonal communications class, relationships are built from trust and communication (the most important) in addition to the other following aspects.
Like rule number 32 of Zombieland; enjoy the little things. The little things can be just as important as the big things. It can be anything like spending time together, how someone looks at you, their jokes, the memories you make, or even if they bought you coffee or an unexpected gift. Those little things can be just as enjoyable as the big things and really do add up.
In world full of a culture setting its standards for beauty, people tend to think there is such a thing as a perfect person or a perfect relationship. Let's get something straight here: There is no such thing as a "perfect relationship" or the perfect man or woman.
It's not about perfection or whether someone is "your type", it's about compatibility. Do you get a long well? When you don't get along well, how do you resolve the issue? How do your arguments make you feel at the end? Do you share some common interests? Do they help you or push you to try new things that may help you in life or do they hurt you more often than help? Do their actions reflect back on you and do they improve your life or do they cause drama? Do you trust them? These questions are great to ask no matter what your relationship is with someone. No one is perfect no matter how hard we try. So stop looking for perfection.
I've learned that being friends with someone first is more important than jumping into a romantic relationship. Friendship is so important because it's like a front row seat at a concert where you get to really observe someone closely and understand their flaws, be there for their moments of weakness, and really evaluate yourself and your relationship with that person.
If you're looking for some one to date, start with evaluating your friends and ask, would I date them? Think long and hard about it because you may be surprised. People often try to deny their feelings for someone or not realize they like someone enough to date. If you don't feel that way about any of your friends, think of all the people you have talked to over the years and ask that same question. If not, eventually over time, I believe you will find the right one.
In addition, laughter can bring relief in a relationship. Laugh often. Make terrible puns if you have to! Bring up "that one time when". Going back on a memory can help you make new ones.
The moments of weakness of one person can reveal a lot about the other person. How someone responds and reacts to times where you are breaking down crying or going through a tough time can reveal a lot about people. When someone helps, builds you up, and is genuinely there for you and puts their best effort into you is what's important in those moments. But what else is important is how they react and feel afterwards. Those weak moments can show us that the other person feels comfortable sharing their imperfections around you and trusts you to the full extent, therefore building the relationship stronger.
You see, relationships are like walls; they are made of something strong (in relationships, it's love), built up over time, can be damaged or destroyed but what matters is, how you will rebuild it.
