The more I think about it the more I start to believe that there is something pretty scary about life and it’s the fact that there is not enough of it. As a student in elementary school, I continuously thought about this thing called “college” and I was thoroughly convinced that I’ll be a kid forever. At the time it seemed like the thing standing between myself and college was an eternity of middle school and high school. I didn’t believe that it was real even though my family is not a stranger to the institution. And even having gone through four months of college with the constant run-ins of all nighters, after class stress, tired mornings, and motivational drains, it still does not feel like college: it actually feels like the life I’ve been waiting to have.
Aside from the stuff I mentioned before in addition to paying tuition, and attempting to hold other responsibilities to make yourself look like an active member of society in addition to being a college student, college is definitely something I can get used to. No longer is education just a huge wash of time-wasting and menial classwork and homework assignments and a huge 7-hour block of class time. Education in college (at least for me) feels like actual learning in the sense that I am more easily understanding the material taught to me and that I am more motivated than ever to teach myself or get help on the stuff I have trouble understanding. What I like about college is that I am always in an environment where I am motivated to keep up with my work and study to become a productive student. For me, I have found more value in education in my first semester of college as opposed to my 4 years of high school combined.
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I want to hold on to my college years as much as possible because now that I know and feel the true value in my education I want to make up for the years I’ve been in school and didn’t see the value in learning. But in addition to upholding my newfound appreciation for learning on the college level, I want to forever stay a freshman because at this stage of my life I fear growing up any further. This may seem like an extremely silly thing for a college student to say but I honestly fear reaching a point of my life where I have nothing else to aspire to. I want to have the ability to have goals that I can motivate myself to obtain because that is what I currently do right now to get me through the tough times and stress of college. I currently find comfort in being able to envision a better and tangible life beyond the one I’m having now. But now that I’m living a life that I can say that I’m already used to, I cannot imagine ever leaving this lifestyle because once I start accomplishing my real life goals, I’ll soon be in a position where the rest of my aspirations will no longer make me happy. My goal for this semester is to cherish every day as if I were to graduate the following day. I know one day I will have to face my fears and move on, but for now, I have found where I belong.
