It is extremely difficult for someone who doesn’t have a mental illness to understand what people with mental illnesses are going through. It is very frustrating to explain how we are feeling when we do not fully understand it ourselves. Many times there are no triggers or reasons for our crying spells, suicidal thoughts, or irritability, however, the feelings are still unexplainably there, leaving others with a more difficult sense of acceptance. We often hear, “what is there to be sad about, you have a great life,” but that phrase is much more said that done. I will admit, I have a more than amazing life, however, that doesn’t change the chemicals in my brain and the fact that my mental illness is a battle being fought every single day. Although we do not expect you to understand what we are going through, here are some pointers to help you get a better idea of what your peers and loved ones living with mental illnesses.

1. Our mental illnesses are NOT a reflection of our love for our family and friends.

This is a hard one for our friends and loved ones to understand. We often get the question “why would you want to die when you know we all love you so much?” We want you to know that it is not always black and white. We are battling the demons in our head that make us exhausted before we even physically get out of bed in the morning. We know how much you love us and we want you to know that we love you all and appreciate your love and support. I suggest parents of children with mental illness should attend meetings called “Emotions Anonymous”. There are meetings every day all over the country. Bringing attention to these meetings and listening to other people’s stories will help widen your knowledge of how you can help your loved one, but also bring a better understanding of what exactly it is they are experiencing on a daily basis. Parents and friends often have reactions that are not helpful to us, only because they show concern, but are unaware of how to help. These meetings will give you the sources of how to better understand the different illnesses and will therefore provide a better understanding of how to react in order to help your loved one.

2. If we are having a bad day and cannot get out of bed, please do not yell at us.

Part of the battle is our bad days that inhibit us to get out of bed. People with mental illnesses already take everything personally and are often more emotional than people without mental illnesses. Yelling at us and making us feel terrible for staying in bed only makes things worse. We already feel terrible about ourselves and hate ourselves for not getting out of bed. Although we understand you are doing what you think is best for us, there are different ways to approach this situation. For example, try asking what they have planned for today, or ask if they want to lay on the couch and watch movie with you. On our bad days, it is an accomplishment if we get out of our beds, and although moving to the couch is a small task to others, for us it is a big accomplishment. You can also remind them to try the things they love such as going for a run, reading a book, hanging out with friends, going swimming or trying new things. There are different approaches for helping us get out of bed, but making us feel worse about things isn’t going to help anyone. We want you to know we are trying our best and being crippled to our bed all day isn’t fun for us either.

3. Medication is not a form of weakness, it is a step towards help

A lot of family members view medication negatively, or view it as a sign of weakness by leaning on pills to get you through your day. I am among the lucky ones whose family supported me through all of my medical decisions. Going on medication was not easy, and without the help from my family I know my stubbornness wouldn’t have chosen this path. Looking back, I am extremely grateful for their support and love throughout this whole process. I have met many people who did not have the support from their parents and siblings which therefore made living with their illness much harder than it needed to be. We want you to know that if we could “just be happy” or “just get out of bed” we would do it in a heartbeat, because we do not like causing you any additional stress that may worry you. It has been tested that medication is a big cause of treating mental illnesses by changing the chemical imbalances in our brains to a substantially healthier level. If we did not feel like we needed medication, we would not have asked for your help. Your support and love throughout this process is crucial and looking back I am afraid to see where I would be today if my family did not support me as they did. We want you to realize that many of these illnesses cannot be fixed with exercise, therapy, and group meetings. Many of us will be on medications for the rest our lives and that is completely okay.

4. Getting help at a hospital isn’t a sign of weakness, please do not call us weird or crazy

There is a stigma around people with mental illnesses that hints at us being crazy, mentally unstable, or that we will snap at anyone at any moment of time. There is also a stigma around the psychiatric ward, but guess what, we are not crazy people locked up in padded rooms wrapped in straitjackets; we are human just like you and do not like being treated like we are insane. Just by telling people you spent time in a psych ward will leave you as a recipient of weird looks and gossip, but this isn’t how it should be. We should be offering support for one another. Through my own experience, the people I have met in the psych ward were some of the most down to earth, special people I have ever met, and I know at some point in our lives we will all ask for help from others. Going to the hospital for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It proves to yourself that you are strong enough to know when you can no longer handle these emotions on your own; and that in no way means that you are crazy, weird, freakish, unloved or unwanted.

5. Please stop using our mental illnesses as a joke

I hear people say things all the time “you’re so bipolar”, “great now I have PTSD”, “this is giving me anxiety”, “that just made me depressed”. Our illnesses aren’t things to make jokes about. The best way I can describe depression is a person who is stuck in a dark hole and cannot find a ladder to get out. We can see the light but we have no way of getting out of it. Anxiety is like having your biggest fear chasing you. You feel like that almost every single day; multiple times a day until you lead yourself to have panic attacks. I would not wish these illnesses on anyone and they are in no way funny or something to joke about. These are real issues and affect our way of life and often times affect us from being functioning members of society. Please do not make a joke of our struggles.

Mental illness affects every 1 in 4 people. We are not alone, our feelings are valid, and sometimes we need to fight ourselves to live our own lives. With this being said, to the friends and families of those living with mental illnesses, please do not treat us any differently or that you are walking on egg shells. Please realize we are trying our hardest and sometimes that just isn’t good enough. On our bad days remind us it is okay to feel sad and remind us that we are loved even if we do not get out of bed that day.

Those who need to talk to someone there are so many people out there that are willing to help and listen if you just want to talk, you need to be open to asking for help. Always remember; you are loved, you are cared for, and you are important.