What Your Penis Says About You | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

What Your Penis Says About You

Literally.

262
What Your Penis Says About You

It has a head, so why wouldn't it have a brain! You've probably heard the phrase "If penises could talk..." Well! They did! Here are some confessionals from penii around the world. They chose to remain anonymous, so I will uphold that and provide protection.

"Wash me, idiot."

You know that smell that only the crotch area has? They don't enjoy that. Use soap and water! They said it's not gay!

"They keep beating me, and I don't know what to do about it."

Penises have feelings too! Give them a break every now and then. Pornhub can wait.

"Consent is mandatory."

Every single one I interviewed said that they do not enjoy nonconsensual sex, and if they weren't attached, they would leave. Get consent every time.

"Do they think it's weird that I curve?"

I think not! Every one is different, and like the classic expression goes, "It's not the size of the boat, it's the importance of the clitoris."

"Trim the hedges."

Keep them maintained! You don't want your home lawn overgrown, so why would you let your own lawn get out of control?

"I don't care where you put me, as long as you wrap me up."

Don't you wish you had a full body suit that one time you and your friends crawled through the sewers? Same deal! And, no, it doesn't feel different for them, that's all in your brain. They really, really don't like an STI. Especially if you don't get tested. Know your status!

And there you have it! I hope that you will take these to heart and remember to take care of your penis. Also, regardless of genitalia, trans men are men, and trans women are women!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Thoughts While Studying For Finals
StableDiffusion


That time of the semester has arrived once again, finals. The worst week ever. Who thought it was a good idea for all your classes to have exams all in the same week? Definitely not me. Here's 20 thoughts you may have studying for finals.

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

Disney magic for New Year!

The "Happiest Place on Earth" has a lot of characters with some pretty great advice.

5791
Disney magic kingdom castle on new years
StableDiffusion

Disney movies are well known and very popular in today's world. Although many people appreciate the plot and the storyline, not many people appreciate the wisdom these characters possess. Every Disney movie has unique advice that can be applied to everyday life. Here are 11 Disney quotes to help start your New Year off right:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

40 Gift Ideas for the Indecisive

It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. But also a time of stressing over the perfect gift.

119955
Christmas gifts around a tree
StableDiffusion

It's officially December. There is less than a month of 2024, and I still feel like yesterday was summer. Now comes the merriest time of the year, the Christmas season.

Everyone has been waiting for this time of year since mid-October (which is way too early, in my opinion) or before. It's a time of love, family, memory-making, and gift-giving. A lot of times when I ask friends and family what they want, I get a lot of "I don't know" or "I don't care."

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Bucket List To Live In The Now

Find excitement in your life and start exploring wherever you are right here, right now.

1570
mu bucket list

I was sitting at my cubicle, now that I am an adult, looking at the rain pouring down on the windowsill, bumming on life, wishing for the rain to just stop for a full day.

There are moments where we count down the hours until work is over and how many more days till the weekend, and this many weeks until something exciting. Or something like that? Well, I was bumming because my next day off from work is not until Memorial Day weekend, which is not until the end of May. And since this is my first year out of college being a “real person,” I am totally missing the winter, spring and summer breaks. I am sure all of us have felt this way even if just for a hot minute…

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Ways To Survive Finals As Told By Leslie Knope

Because you know you're going to be stressed out, and Leslie knows exactly how to survive.

1116
Everything hurts and I'm dying

So finals are on their way. That's right everybody, finals are about to start.

But hey, don't panic. Start getting your affairs in order and prepare for a week of hell. Here's a few things Leslie Knope wants you to do to make your finals week just a little bit less stressful:

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments