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What Not to Do When You Canoe

Tips so you don't tip! Even though you probably will.

Jessica Putnam

Aug 09, 2016

SUNY Oneonta

1651

Lake Winnipesaukee, Morgan, Jess Putnam 2016

So, you are ready to experience the great outdoors. You are excited to listen to the sweet chirping of the birds, and feel the breeze off the water as you float along in a canoe. As you are about to take in this beautiful nature experience, your friend in the back of the boat smacks his paddle on the top of the water. In doing so he creates an obnoxious spray of water on your back. This and other dreadful situations on your canoe trip can be avoided if you follow this list.

1. Don't expect a kayak.

No, kayaks and canoes are not the same. This is a kayak.

2. Don't bring $1000 worth of electronic equipment on your trip

Actually don't bring $1000 worth of anything, or of any important value. Yes, maybe a life proof case and a ziploc bag will keep what ever you have dry, but it sure as hell won't keep it from sinking. So unless you want your brand new iPhone 6 at the bottom of the river, keep it at home. Fish can't make calls anyway.

3. Don't bring that asshole friend that purposefully tips the canoe every couple of minutes.

You probably are thinking of someone now who fits this description. Good, don't bring them.

4. Don't be that asshole friend that purposefully tips the canoe every couple of minutes.

You know who you are.

5. Don't stand in the canoe.

Disagree with me? Do it see what happens.

6. Don't bring your cat.

Unless your cat is like this one. Or this one.

It might be best to leave your furry friend at home.

7. Don't invade the animal habitat.

This includes, but is not limited to poking alligators (Florida), taunting turtles and smacking fish with your paddle.

8. Don't panic.

If you flip because you didn't listen and brought that asshole friend, relax and try to bring the canoe to the nearest shore line. Or start baling.

9. Don't expect to control the canoe.

I know many canoe enthusiast might disagree with me, but in general I have found canoes are a lot like life. It will be going straight for awhile and the next thing you know your heading straight for a log, or getting tangled in lily pads.

Hopefully, this gave you some insight on the joys of canoeing. Stay safe, get wet, wear a life jacket and have fun!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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What Not to Do When You Canoe

Tips so you don't tip! Even though you probably will.

1. Don't expect a kayak.

2. Don't bring $1000 worth of electronic equipment on your trip

3. Don't bring that asshole friend that purposefully tips the canoe every couple of minutes.

4. Don't be that asshole friend that purposefully tips the canoe every couple of minutes.

5. Don't stand in the canoe.

6. Don't bring your cat.

7. Don't invade the animal habitat.

8. Don't panic.

9. Don't expect to control the canoe.

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#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

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