When a friend has lost a loved one, figuring out what to do or say can be difficult. Knowing what is right and what is wrong to say to someone going through grief seems impossible. Although the way you handle a grieving friend is not necessarily the same from person to person, there are many things that most people, including your friend, would not appreciate to hear in this situation. There's not much you can say to make this person feel better and usually, all you can do is listen. When someone has lost a loved one, they want to share their feelings with someone without being told the person had a great life or that they are so sorry.
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1. Never tell the person that you know how they feel.
Regardless if you have ever experienced loss, people going through it believe no one knows how they feel. Don't put the person's feelings into question, they already have enough going through their head.
2. Don't tell them how amazing their loved one was.
They knew and loved this person, they don't need to be told what they already know. Ask them to tell you a story about this person so you can get a sense of how they have impacted others lives.
3. Avoid cliches.
When you tell the person you are sorry, say something that comes from the heart. When they hear the same cliches over and over they become desensitized, as if the words have no meaning.
4. Never make assumptions.
Despite what you may think, you will never understand the relationship they might have had with this person.
5. Do not pity them.
They don't want you to feel bad for them, they just want you to be there.
6. Don't focus on the loss.
The distraction of a friend can make a huge difference on their mood.
7. Don't leave them hanging.
After promising someone you would be there for them, you should follow through.
8. Don't use their loss as an excuse.
Sometimes people will try to get out of previous commitments by using the excuse of taking care of a friend. They don't want to be seen as someone who needs babysitting.
9. The pain of loss doesn't subside instantly.
Be there for your friend for an ample amount of time, you never know how long they'll need you.
10. Give them space only when they truly need it.
It's all in the little things, sometimes a hug or a text can go a long way.
