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What No One Knows About Having Half A Heart In College

I am the one who walks far behind my friends because I can't keep up with them

Lauren Landry

Mar 06, 2017

Eastern Connecticut State University

What No One Knows About Having Half A Heart In College

Lauren Landry

After 19 years living with half a heart, I've started to realize how tough it can be sometimes.

For the most part, life is great, and I love my scar.

But, I tend to:

walk far behind my friends because I can't keep up with them.

Whether I'm walking across campus just trying to get to the dining hall, or I'm on my way back from class with a few people. Thoughts like, "wow, they're walking really fast" or, "Why are they running?"' go through my head. Then, you I begin getting out of breath, and as soon as I reach a flight of stairs, my day worsens. Although, If you have good enough friends like me, there will always be one person in the group that's willing to walk at your pace and dodge the hills and stair with you.

I am:

the one who gets VERY sick.

I caught a cold right after I had the stomach bug. It seems that my immune system can't handle the college germs, that's when having half a heart really takes a toll on you.

the one that has to remember heart medicines.

It gets really tough when I'm running late to class. And even tougher when I decide to sleep in later on the weekends- I'm forced to get up and take the meds.

Worse, pulling all-nighters is almost impossible.

This is not a sob story, it's just how I live my life in college with half of a heart.

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What No One Knows About Having Half A Heart In College

I am the one who walks far behind my friends because I can't keep up with them

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All names should be "unisex names."

1. Communicating via email can be awkward.

2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.

3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.

4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.

5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.

6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.

7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.

8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”

9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.

10. People are surprised when they see you.

11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.

12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.

13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.

You know that all of these things apply to you. You'll just never tell.

I get it... I'm pale.

1. At least I can't lose you in a crowd!

2. Oh my goodness your skin is like glow-in-the-dark.

3. Can't you just get fake tan?

4. Do you tan or just burn?

5. Your kids are going to look like Casper the Friendly Ghost!

6. *holds arm against your arm* Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. *holds pale arm against another pale arm* Aw, at least you're darker than her!

8. I laid out by the pool almost every day over break!

9. I haven't used sunscreen since I was, like, five.

10. *adjusts selfie lighting to their face* Oops, where'd you go??

11. *after working out* Your face is SO red!

12. *wears white* Look! You're all one color!

13. You need to get some sun.

14. Aren't you excited for summer?

The struggle bus is real.

1. Child prodigies:

2. Hearing other musicians in the practice room next door and accepting that you will never be as talented as them:

3. That anxiety that takes over before every performance:

4. Taking a million 0 credit classes:

5. When there's a paper due the next day, but you have to attend yet another concert in order to pass a 0 credit class:

6. When your friends try to encourage you after a performance, even though you are criticizing everything in your mind:

7. Knowing that there's always that one professor during juries:

8. The oh-so-attractive band/choir uniforms:

9. Realizing that a college campus is maybe not the best atmosphere to finish your latest composition:

10. Hearing "Oh, you sing opera? I LOVE Phantom of the Opera!" for the hundredth time:

11. When people think finals week is a breeze for you.

12. When you're drowning in the stress that comes with 18+ credits (and not to mention all those 0 credit classes) and people ask you how you are:

13. When it all comes down to it, though, you know that at the end of the day, music is your passion:

Because you need it in your life.

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6. holds arm against your arm Look how much darker I am compared to you!

7. holds pale arm against another pale arm Aw, at least you're darker than her!

10. adjusts selfie lighting to their face Oops, where'd you go??

11. after working out Your face is SO red!

12. wears white Look! You're all one color!