Everyone wants to believe they're easygoing and easy to handle. Most people are wrong. I myself spent years believing I was a laid-back person and wondered why I never had a lot of friends. Eventually, I endlessly picked at my faults, thinking I was the problem -- that the reason why I didn't have what I needed in friendships was because I wasn't doing enough or that I wasn't giving enough to others. After a long time of pondering and blaming myself, I've come to realize that everyone has certain things they absolutely need for a friendship to thrive. We are unique people with faults and quirks and we just need to find people who will embrace them. Although there are certain components that everyone wants in a friendship, there are subtle differences within individuals. If you're wondering why you feel unsatisfied in your friendships or why you're not connecting with people as well as you desire, consider the elements of friendship I need.
Firstly, I need complete trust. I realize this seems obvious, but I'm referring to the kind of trust that means neither of you ever speak ill of one another. The people I love the most are the people I never degrade or speak of in a negative manner even when I'm thousands of miles away from them and talking about them to strangers. I usually am able to tell whether a friendship is good based on the way I talk about them to people who do not know the person. If I mention them in a lot of funny stories or positive memories, I am probably in a good friendship. If I find that all I can think of is their faults (despite knowing they have many positive attributes), then I need to either work on deepening my friendship or let go of that person entirely.
Secondly, I need to have some form of emotional support. I do not require the answers to my complicated life problems because I know that most problems in life do not have simple answers. I am always willing to drop everything and listen. I will stop studying for an exam, cancel plans and walk back to my dorm in the rain without an umbrella to be able to listen to a friend's news/venting/etc. In return, I need something similar. I don't want people dropping important tasks for me. I just need someone who will let me verbally express my feelings until everything I've bottled up has been said.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I need someone who motivates me. Not motivation to do anything extravagant, but the motivation to do things like laugh more freely, admire nature when we're on our way to our destination, and to continue on with school (I say I'm going to drop out of college at least six times a day). A person who adds a new dimension in my life is a person I love. I cherish the friend who makes me look forward to playing song-trivia. I cherish the friend who tells me they'd like my help with editing an essay. Feeling like you contribute something to a friendship is key to validating that you are important to the other person.
The list could go on and on, really. There is no limit to the things you need in a friendship. But it's worthy to note that not everyone will fit your needs and you will not fit everyone's needs as well. So don't settle for a person just because you want a friend or because you want them (specifically) to be your friend. Time will do its thing and at least one good friend will fall into your hands -- and one is really all you need.
