My favorite part of the first day of school was when a new teacher got to my name on an attendance list. There is the long pause and then my name slowly and carefully mispronounced in the tone of a question. Then there is the five minute back and forth where I keep saying the correct pronunciation of my name and the teacher improves but still doesn’t quite get it. I don’t mind. There are people I have known for years who still mispronounce my name but it’s okay because I know they are trying. What is not OK is someone seeing my name on a list or hearing it for the first time and asking “Do you have a nickname or a middle name or something?” For one thing, no, I don’t have a middle name and we just met so, no, you do not get to call me by a nickname.
Some people with “difficult” names have other names they go by but they will typically offer these up without being asked. Names are important, my name carries a history that I am proud to bear. It was the name of an Armenian saint who died for what she believed in and I remember her story every time I sign anything. There is nothing wrong with nicknames or choosing to go by a different name, I use a different name with my coworkers and when I order food because those are situations that merit it.
Once I sat in a Jamba Juice for over 20 minutes wondering when “Diana” was going to get her juice and thinking how funny it was that she ordered the same thing I did. Then it hit me, I was Diana. That was my drink. I haven’t used my real name for ordering food since then (though I still love Jamba Juice). I’ll change my name when the situation requires it but I will not change it just so you can pronounce it. You will be fine, I don’t mind your attempts. It means a lot when people sincerely try.
I understand that it must feel awkward not being able to get someone’s name right but it really feels so much worse when someone doesn’t even try. My name isn’t just a thing people call me. It reminds me and those around me of an important and formative part of my identity. When you try to avoid it, I see you avoiding a piece of me.
