1. The middle school "boyfriend"
"Do you want to date me? Check yes or no! I'm so glad we're exclusive! My mom said that she can take us to the movies on Saturday, but no R- rated movies. Also, I think we should start sitting together at lunch so people know about US"
Ah yes, the boy that was so blinded by love that he looked past my potato shoes and Christian rock shirts. Believe me, there were too many history classes spent passing love notes back and forth. This relationship taught me that I was cute in my own way and not all boys were mean. It also taught me how to multitask, a girl can write love notes and still be at the top of her history class.
2. The boy with the words
I think it is important to mention that there was a big gap between 1 and 2, as in 3 years. By this point I was so desperate for affection that I would take all I could get. I never thought I would be the girl that would fall for the sweet words that tasted like honey, but were empty with promise. But I was young and he called me beautiful and said that he wanted to hold my hand and watch "Pretty in Pink", so like any girl with low self- esteem I fell right into the wormhole.
This relationship taught me to not judge myself or others so harshly when they were caught up in a their feelings. These things make any mind dizzy. It taught me that I had standards, because I was worthy of respect and so much more than what had been given.
3. The first love
Gosh when I look back at this relationship I can still feel the butterflies I felt when we were together. I never thought that I could ever love someone as much as I loved myself, and there I was being proven wrong. For once in my life I didn't feel mad at being wrong. We were in a mutual friend group so everything just seemed to fall into place in a rom- com esque way.
This relationship taught me what Love felt like and how dangerous it can be to give it to someone so unconditionally. Even though we are no longer together I still hope that he achieves his dreams that we talked about when we were young and unafraid to fall.
4. The randoms
it was nice from time to time to get a free cup of coffee and solid kisses that would last me. Unconditional love also causes you to deal with bad kisses. Sometimes you just need your ego fed. This time in my life also gave me practice for when I actually wanted to impress someone. Kinda like how you go to school to learn how to be a decent member of society.
5. The Perfect Mistake
This is about the boy who took my virginity. I was so overwhelmed with his nice body and guitar it was like I abandoned my better judgement. That is not to say that I regret anything, because it was still a lovely experience. Even if I had seen the fall coming I don't think I would have turned around. Some things are meant to be beautifully tragic.
I believe this relationship taught me how to be truly confident and unashamed with who I was. Even if that meant losing someone in the process.
6. The one with no guarantees
Not everything has to be perfect and conducted in a pre packaged manner. Every person is different so every relationship is different.
This relationship taught me that there is no wrong way to care for someone. It also taught me to accept that some people are just smarter than me and I should swallow my pride so that I could learn about the world through fresh eyes. Most importantly it taught me that I am more than just a “ nice butt”, there is subtle beauty within me.
You are more than just a sum of your parts.
To be continued...
