Meet Baconface.
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Baconface hates change. A few weeks ago I moved out of the apartment that Baconface had known all of his life. In the days leading up to the big day, there had been a lot of boxes shuffling around and things slowly disappearing, the normal preparations. Every day, Baconface sensed something was changing—sometimes he would be more clingy than normal, or act like he was better than me, and some days he just stared into the abyss.
Winter is coming.
However, the day of the big move came and something terrible happened. My cat, who normally wouldn’t even hurt a bug, turned into a hissing demon tiger of doom. All the elements beyond his control were too much, and he had a full-on panic attack. It resulted in me throwing a blanket over him and wrangling him into his carrier. Many growls, bites, hisses, and demon sounds ensued.
Anyone know a good exorcist?
It took a full day for him to get back to normal – when we arrived at our new home he huffed and puffed and would not let anyone near him for the day. And suddenly, as things started to get unpacked and he started recognizing his toys and food bowl, Baconface started to return to his normal self. Now, a few weeks later, he probably does not even remember his old home. This is his new normal and he is perfectly content with it.
The look of contentment.
But, I did learn something through this horrific ordeal: change is hard no matter who you are. Our bodies can sense when changes are in the air, whether it is with our job, location, friends, family, or health. When we sense it, something inside us prepares for battle. We immediately become defensive without knowing if it’s for better or worse. It is against our nature as we need our fair dose of stability, and panic ensues when our lives get interrupted by the unpredictability of life. We want control. We want to know that we have a say in what comes next in our lives. We want a fair warning of the who, what, when, where, and whys of change.
I’m in a confusing season of patiently waiting for the winds of change to blow, stuck in an in-between of knowing there is something big around the corner but not quite in reach of it yet. Playing the waiting game is awful anyway, but not yet truly understanding what’s to come next is torture. Dealing with the growing pains that come with growing up and moving forward has become unsettling, and I can feel it physically, emotionally, and mentally.
For example, I worry about every little thing, my road rage increases (OK, BUT SERIOUSLY IF THE SPEED LIMIT SAYS 45, YOU DON’T GO 25), I’m tired all the time (has anyone invented a coffee IV yet?), and my eyes deceive me if a song comes on at the wrong time (anyone who says they haven’t cried during Someone Like You is a dirty liar.)
I got frustrated with Baconface because he could not accept that this big change was for his good. By refusing to be taken to his new home he was prolonging the process and only hurting himself (and others...so many bite marks). And I realized that what if by getting upset, refusing to let go of things, and huffing and puffing my way through big changes and waiting periods, I, too, am just making it worse for myself? How many times has God tried to do big things in my life and by pouting about not being control and being too scared about the unknown I have missed out on some amazing opportunities? We are advised in Proverbs not to lean on our own understanding and trust in God because He sees the big picture…but that is so much easier said than done. Just like Baconface, I don’t understand what is happening around me, or why; all I know is that I have no control over it and I do not know what is happening next, but I do have control over is how I react to it all. So instead of hissing and biting my way through this questionable season of life (because…well, obviously, that’s a poor decision), I am going to sit content in the waiting and unstableness and TRUST that it will be okay. And maybe one day, I will be so content with my new season of life that I will hardly remember how things used to be.
Here’s the unknown future, may it be filled with a less anxious cat and plenty more adventures.
