Today marks one year since my dear college friend, Katrina, passed away from aggressive colon cancer. I had just turned 22; I was jamming out to Taylor Swift, goofing off with friends, and my biggest concern was having the rough draft ready for my professor to grade. I didn’t realize that I would log onto Facebook that night and find my life had changed.

I knew Katrina was having a tough time with the cancer, but I didn’t think it was going so badly. I don’t ever remember crying as much as I did the night I found out she died. I didn’t know what to do. I ended up calling a friend from church, in tears, and telling her what happened. She asked me if I needed anything. My response was ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know anything right now’.

For the next few weeks, and into the coming months, I had to struggle with the big, tough questions of life that nobody wants to face; How could God take her away? Katrina was an amazing light of Christ. It wasn’t fair! Why did He have to make her die of cancer? Why didn’t He heal her? Everyone was praying so fervently for her to get better, why didn’t He listen? How could God be so unjust and cruel?

I’m very lucky that I was taking my Apologetics course during this difficult experience. I emailed my professor, told him what happened, and we set up a time to get together so I could talk to him about these questions. One thing he said really stuck out to me:

Katrina wasn’t ours. We were only borrowing her for a little while.

As painful as that is to accept, I realized the utter truth in that statement. We are all put on this earth for a short time. We should rejoice that we had Katrina at all, not complain that her time here was shorter than we wanted. God graciously gave us an amazing, encouraging woman like Katrina to impact lives while she was alive, and even through her passing.

One thing that really amazed me was how she affected people that had never even met her. Those who heard about her and the impact she had on others were affected in a wonderful and positive way. And for those who knew her, we were encouraged to be like her in the way that she accepted others, loved all, and always trusted in God.

Katrina’s passing taught me a few crucial things that I really needed to realize:

1. Don't be afraid to break down social barriers. It doesn’t matter if you’re a senior and they’re a freshman. Say hi. Include them in your life, encourage them in theirs. I was just a little freshling when I met Katrina, and she quickly became my mentor. She prayed for me, encouraged me, and always guided my eyes back to Christ. Many others had the same experience. I never realized how much I could affect someone’s life if I just invested in them. It doesn’t matter if society says you should stay within your class. A freshman could really use your advice, your time, and your care.
2. Always reflect Jesus. To this day, I still don’t know how she did it. But all the time, in everything, she was trusting in Christ, loving like Christ, and living like Christ. Even when the cancer was destroying her body, she still trusted in God’s plan. Every time I saw her, every time I vented to her about something, she always radiated Christ and gave me sound Biblical advice. I remember always thinking ‘I want to be that kind of Christian’. Well, with Katrina gone, it’s time to step up to the plate and change ‘I want to be’ to ‘I am’.
3. People die. This one was really hard. I hadn’t had a major death in my circle of interactions for a while, and not a death of someone I was so close with. Besides, the previous passings in my life were people who were older, so it wasn’t as shocking. Katrina was in her 20s. Far too young for someone to die. But it really helped me realize that our time here is temporary. In fact, it’s way too temporary to be upset about a Facebook post, to worry about looking ‘pretty enough’, or to hold onto the anger from a minor argument. Katrina thought she at least had a week, when all she had was a day or two. We think we have years. But we might only have one more day. If I died tomorrow, would my today make a difference? When I start living with that question in mind, it changes my whole world.
4. Life’s not fair. I had my parents tell me this a lot, but it took Katrina’s death to make me realize that it was true. In our eyes, life isn’t fair. Good people die, bad things happen. But truthfully, we don’t want ‘fair’. ‘Fair’ means that we’d all be in Hell because God wouldn’t be giving us His grace and we would get what we deserve. Maybe it’s not fair that Katrina died. But I can still be so glad that she’s not suffering from the cancer anymore. She’s jumping for joy in the presence of God, and to me, that’s worth dealing with a bit of ‘life’s not fair’ down here on earth.
5. Never give up hope. Even when things get bad, even when things get worse. Never give up hope. Katrina exemplified hope, faith, and trust. The way she bravely handled her battle with cancer taught me to never, ever give up. She was willing to accept whatever happened, even if it meant death, but that didn’t mean she was going to give up. She had hope for the future; either her future with us, or her future with God.
6. Use your passion for God's glory. Katrina was a huge supporter of glorifying God in all things. She was a teacher for her short time before cancer struck, and you can bet that she was teaching in a Christ-like, God-honoring way. She always believed that if you have a talent or a passion, then you can (and should) use it for God. She really encouraged me to use my writing to honor God in every way.

Katrina’s death also taught me that good things can blossom from the bad. Connections were formed between people who had never really talked much, friendships were strengthened as we mourned together, and people were inspired to share Christ’s light just as Katrina did. For me, personally, I know I have Katrina to thank for bringing me and our mutual friend together, the guy that I’m about to celebrate a year of dating with. We’d known each other for a while, but Katrina’s funeral was the first time we saw each other in a long time. We ended up spending time together later that month, and then started dating. It turns out, Katrina was playing matchmaker even after her death.

Losing a friend is never easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through. But it taught me some of the most important life lessons I’ll ever learn. I have to face the reality that, when I get older, more of my friends will be passing away. But Katrina always taught me to trust in God, and she teaches me that even now. Never give up. Trust in God, and always hold onto hope.

Love you and miss you, Katrina.

Rest In Peace.