Someone asked me recently, "What was the most difficult thing you have had to do?"
Instantly, I uttered, "Live."
The moment is still new to me. I still have a fresh wound that needs to be healed. I still battle every day to conquer the internal monster that distracts me from my path. That monster is myself, which is why living has become one of the most difficult things to do.
People forget to give themselves credit for their progress, and I am one of those individuals. Living is something that I want to do, but that does not come without struggles.
Every day I have to remember why I am here. Every day I have to discover a purpose. Every day I have to remind myself that my life has value. But some days, I forget. Some days, I have to look harder to find those things. Some days, it just feels too hard to do.
So what happens during those moments? The moments that we reach the brink of giving up. The moments when we are one step from falling into full relapse. The moments when we want to take the easy way out.
We look for help. We look for a hand to lift us up. We look for that light.
But looking is not the same as actively reaching for help, which is the road block I consistently hit. Expressing the need for guidance shows vulnerability, which some people see as weakness. We want to appear strong, fearless, and in control, but sometimes we simply are not those things. We can say we are struggling. We can say we are afraid. We can say we feel like our world is spiraling out of our hands.
However, we never believe that we can.
We often imagine ourselves failing or scaring people away. For me, I will break off ties immediately before opening up. Leaving has always been easier than staying and facing the truth, so I run. I view myself as a problem and pest in everyone's life, instead of having a positive impact. I will not reach out because I am scared. I hide because I do not want to be a burden. I rely on myself because letting me down is easier than letting down the people I love.
And that is why I never ask for help.
Maybe your story is different. Maybe you are too doubtful, like me. Maybe you are too fearful, like me. Maybe you are too scarred, like me.
At the end of the day, help is something we all will need at some point. Will asking for guidance be easy? No. But will getting help be worth it? Yes.
I am willing to take that step, I hope you are too.
