In a perfect world, we wouldn't ever have to fall in love with the wrong person. Falling in love with the wrong person means you have to feel all of the right things just to eventually feel all the wrong things too. There's no preparing you for this, and there's no going back once you're already there. You're just stuck loving the wrong guy in an okay situation.
It becomes comfortable, and not too long after, you become stuck.
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Loving the wrong guy didn't get me much but it definitely taught me a thing or two.
I'm weak when I'm with the wrong guy. I stop voicing my opinion because I know it's never actually heard. I let things go unsaid because even saying something got me nowhere with him. I allowed for his mistakes to be swept under the rug while we continually played out the ones I made day by day. I was a coward when it came to what I deserved, and that's actually something I will always take credit for. He didn't force me to be weak. He didn't threaten me if I voiced my opinion. He never stopped me from bringing up his mistakes. I did all of that. It was because I knew the aftermath of all of those things came with arguments I didn't have the energy to have, or tears that I didn't have the willpower to cry.
The wrong guy means different things to different people. Some may use you for what you have, while another could cheat, lie, and steal with no problem. Mine just made me feel small and insignificant. He took away my character and molded me into a person I didn't recognize. I became what I promised myself I never would, which was a puppet for him to control. I started to be someone who made decisions based on what I thought a repercussion might be. Not long after that, I noticed every decision I made lose it's meaning because it wasn't actually me making them. I was so caught up in thinking I loved the right person that I realized it was more of that person just loving himself and making me think I did too.
Loving the wrong guy is like falling in a 12-foot hole, and never trying to understand a way out. In that hole, you have everything you actually need to survive, so instead of trying to dream about the ways you can get out and how your life will be different, you accept what it is. You just adapt to what's around you and love the things you have. It's when you finally figure a way out of that soul-depriving ditch when you realize your life was so limited and time was just wasted.
Do you ever stop to look around and ask yourself if this is the life you want for your future kids? Is your happiness enough that you'd feel content with your kids having it for the rest of their life? We love the wrong person, and then we try to tell ourselves he isn't wrong for us. We stay with the wrong person. We get comfortable. We settle into a lifestyle we are not head over heels in love with. We watch the person we once were, turn into a person that is making it work. All because we loved, settled, and stayed with the wrong guy.
I loved the wrong guy.
It taught me obvious things, like strength and clarity.
However, it also taught me deeper things, like what I actually wanted out of my life. It took me way too long to say it to myself, but when I did, I realized there was nothing or no one I would ever settle for again. I'd never let my opinion go unheard, and I would never fear a single repercussion. I'd start to accept who I was and make anyone who couldn't fuck right off. I learned that courage is most respected and deserved when it hurts, but that it makes you truly feel alive. I learned to try actually falling in love with the right guy, but if I don't, take what I learned from the last wrong one, and kick the next one's ass to the curb.
Maybe I lost part of myself when it came to him, but I got it back and made that part even stronger than it used to be.
