Everybody is different. Every body is different. This is a key phrase that I remind myself on a daily basis, scrolling through social media seeing a plethora of perfectly sculpted females with millions of likes and interactions on their post. Growing up with anxiety, confidence issues, eating disorders and body dysmorphia, I was never one who was ever happy, with myself and in general. But one thing that myself, and many other woman that face the same pressure that I am need to realize is that we aren't alone, and we are perfectly fine the way that we were made to be.
It all started when I moved across the country and gained a few pounds due to emotional stress. Going to school every day, I would compare myself to the size zero girls who always seemed to be the pretty and socially likable ones. I tried out for the dance team my sophomore year as a way to get in shape and deal with my anxiety, and when I made it I began to enjoy how my body was changing. Even then, I still felt pressure from teammates who were all over five feet seven and were really in shape. I began suffering from body dysmorphia and anorexic tendencies when I was prescribed Vyvanse which has a side effect of appetite loss, loosing a total of 25 pounds over a span of four months. The issue with loosing weight this fast is I didn't visualize myself for how I was, but what I used to be, so I continued to loose weight until I was diagnosed with Anemia and I realized that this wasn't healthy.
In college I began to gain the weight back, and it was a struggle to accept the way I was. For years I tried to count my calories, and I began my passion for fitness two years ago as a way to keep my body healthy and in shape the right way. However, it took a turn for the worse when I realized I was obsessed with lowering my caloric intake and sticking to the diet to an absolute T. Although I've never had issues with bullying or anything in that aspect, the pressure to look a certain way never left the back of my mind. Recently within this last year, I began experiencing the same tendencies I had in high school, where I began skipping meals or not finishing my food. I even started weighing myself every day, and if I even were to gain a pound I would try to eat less in that day. It's a constant cycle of, what can I do today so many if I loose weight, I'll be happier with who I am.
But something I am coming to realize is that I'm not alone. There's so many young women out there, and we were all built so differently. Just because there are women who are a smaller size and in my mind look perfect, there is no definition of the perfect woman. The fact that I am striving to be something that physically I am not meant to be is a never ending cycle of insanity (doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results). I have an amazing group of friends, a support system that wants the best for me, yet I'm still here beating myself up over something that is out of my hands. I will always have a passion for health and wellness, but I will never succumb to eating less and being miserable because I want to look a certain way. To every woman out there reading this and feeling like they aren't enough, I hope that this was able to help you realize that creating unrealistic expectations for yourself will do nothing but harm. You will always be enough in society, and you don't need validation for that.
