College is never easy. There’s exams, papers, clubs, keeping a social life, staying in shape, and for many a huge challenge is being single. In an age of social media bombarding us with the perfect couple, #couplethings, cuffing season, and so on, we are constantly surrounded with the idea of not being alone. And for many that is a hard fact. After getting out of a two-year relationship being single seemed like a breeze at first for me. I get to be with whoever I want, be on my own schedule, it’s all freedom and good feels. But soon I started to miss my boyfriend. I missed having someone to cuddle with, always talk to, someone telling me every day how beautiful and amazing of a person I was. I felt like I needed someone to tell me that, I mean how else was I supposed to believe it? And for me, being single has been fun and horrible at the same time. A couple weekends though it all kind of built up inside me and the time came for me to do some internal soul searching. After a 3-hour hike and a breakfast date with myself, I have some thoughts I’d like to share with any of you struggling with the single life.

Being single is a blessing and a curse. Yes, you won’t always have someone to cuddle up with on cold winter nights or bring you roses on Valentine’s Day, but who really needs that? I’ve chosen to immerse myself, in well, myself. I study hard, I go to the gym daily (sometimes twice a day), I eat healthy, I apply for careers I want, and do whatever I can to improve myself. But I don’t do this for anybody but myself. The fact is nobody else matters. In making myself successful, I’ve realized how much other people are drawn to me. I walk around with a smile on my face and air of confidence nobody can shatter. I’ve realized nobody could really love me the way I love myself. And while I don’t do this for anybody but myself, I realize honestly that guys are attracted to it. And in that I have the power to decide if I want that person in my life and that is such a beautiful thing. To know you are so amazing that you are the one who decides, not the way society makes you feel as if you are an item in the store competing to be chosen. Everything I do is for me, if someone else appreciates me for that aspect then I think that is so beautiful.

I’ve realized through this process that I’m kind of indifferent to being in a relationship with someone. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some flings with people and I’ve even had crushes, some serious ones too. And clearly if I’m writing this article than those relationships never turned into anything more than nights faded into the memory of my subconscious. And many of these people I still talk to. I throw them a smile in passing, I hug them when they succeed, and I even call some of them my close friends. I do this because I am bigger than those times. I do this because I honestly want them to see the happiness and success that grows with me each day. And yes, I do this because I want to prove to them how easily I can move on with my life too. As cocky as this may sound, in your mind you need to know it was honor for them to be with you, not the other way around. And that is a thought that I carry with me. And when they leave, remember it just means you have more important things to focus on.

I struggled with this concept for a long time, but you must not put in more effort than them. If the actions are reciprocated, of course respond if you want. But never put yourself out there when they don’t show you the same courtesy. You are too good for that. I am too strong for that. If they want you, trust me they will show you. And in the meantime, the only person that deserves your attention is you. I have found I truthfully don’t need any validation from boys like those that send you a late night snapchat, but won’t text you in the morning. Find your validation in that A paper you worked on for two weeks, validation in getting accepted to the internship of your dreams, from your parents who will tell you every day how proud of you are, from your friends whose lives would be so much less fulfilled if you weren’t around. Find validation every morning when you look in the mirror, and smile please. And when this gets hard, at times it will, go for a hike. I say this one, because it is scientifically proved that being out in nature is good for your mental health. But, it is also good for the soul. Go for a hike alone and be with your thoughts and your soul. Take the hike up the biggest hill and overlook from the mountain peak. Feel the success in your aching legs. Or walk along the water and run your hands through the waves and find a waterfall to let the water run over your body. You will feel the stressors wash away. Remind yourself how important and amazing you really are. Take yourself out for food after, alone. And appreciate the time you have with yourself, in the way nobody but you can. You are a force never seen on this Earth and only you can appreciate that. Anybody else who sees that in you, anyone who you let touch your fire, they are the lucky ones. And remember, everyone who left, simply got burned.