People used to tell me all of the time to step out of my comfort zone. It was probably the piece of advice that I would get the most. And to be honest, that would really piss me off. I mean, I used to be so shy and afraid of everything, and my anxiety would get in the way, how was it actually possible that I could step out of my comfort zone? It was advice that I quickly brushed away every time and had no problem ignoring.
So, I still clung to my friends that I was comfortable with like they were my supply of oxygen, I didn't bother to make plans of my own ever, and I followed in the footsteps of everyone around me. I walked in the shadow of my friends, and allowed myself to fall into the background of every social situation. I relied on the constant company of my friends, and believed that I was truly not capable of keeping my own company.
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Then in an unfortunate turn of events, most of my friends went abroad. As they abandoned me and set off on their own adventure, I was left to figure out what the hell I was going to do. With more therapy and counseling, I yet again was hearing that I should be stepping out of my comfort zone. So this time, I decided what the hell. And step out of my comfort zone is what I did.
I started small, because we all know that Rome wasn't built in a day. So I reached out to other friends. I made small plans, like lunch in between classes, which eventually turned into bigger plans, like pregaming with a larger group of people and going out together. I reached out to other people socially, and I learned that I was missing out on really great friendships by closing myself off to others. Looking back, I couldn't believe the types of friends I was missing out on, and now can no longer imagine my life without them.
While the idea of me making different friends is really important, what was even more important was what I learned about myself. During this time period, I did a ton of driving. I listened to different types of music than I normally would. I read different types of books. I explored areas around my college that I never went to because my friends didn't want to. I started writing- a lot. In doing all of these different things I learned so much about myself as an individual that I would never have thought about otherwise because I was so co-dependent.
I'm not saying that taking steps outside of my comfort zone was easy, or that it ever got easy for that matter. Each time I do it, it's still scary. But the great thing about doing so was I learned how to be on my own. I figured out how to entertain myself, to learn the difference between being alone and being lonely, and how to be independent. I learned that it was okay to say no to some things that other people were doing if I wasn't interested, and it wouldn't end in total turmoil. But the biggest thing I learned was that I had to create my own happiness. I depended on others to be my source of happiness instead of understanding that it had to come from myself. Yes, friends are supposed to be there to make you a better person, and they should make you happy. But putting the responsibility in the hands of someone else to generate joy for you is a tall order, and it creates frustration in a relationship. If you can't learn to love yourself first, how can you expect everyone else to love you?
For everyone that has ever doubted taking a walk on the other side of your comfort zone, I don't blame you. I was skeptical, too. But I'm also here to tell you that you should follow that common but helpful advice; you never know what you could learn about yourself.
