Missing the first day of a class is usually frowned upon, but if you are in the intensive care unit, it is excused, which I found out on September 7, 2017. My first day of classes this past fall started like any other, until my body shut down, and I entered a complete state of delirium--and that is when I was rushed to the emergency room. After having multiple needles stabbed in me, tests run, and different doctors looking me over, in the room with all glass windows labeled “critical”, I was shuffled to the intensive care unit. Once there, I was informed that if my body did not respond to this round of treatment, I would be airlifted to either Madison or Milwaukee. The second intensive care unit doctor finally diagnosed with a rare and deadly disease called Steven Johnson’s Syndrome (whatever you do, do NOT google it and hit images, please) and I got extremely lucky. I got to spend my first night ever overnight in the intensive care unit, and I almost had my own personal plane—how’s that for a couple “first’s?!” This disease is caused by an adverse reaction to medication that causes the body to internally and externally burn and is a form of toxic epidermal necrolysis. I walked out of the hospital with minimal physical abnormalities, for most of my damage was believed to be internal. I’ve got a couple scars, my eyesight is damaged—but I am so lucky to be alive, and the lessons that this terrible time taught me have changed my life for the better. My day to day life is mildly if at all affected, therefore I refuse to let this disease get the best of me; I am not dying, it will not kill me as long as I follow precautions, and I don’t want your pity. I HAD a short-term illness, which caused me to have long term epiphanies; a win-win situation, if you ask me (not really, but you get the idea).

1. Be Selfish—Make Some time for YOURSELF.

Prior to my little tango with illness, I was the queen of people pleasing, or maybe the princess, but either way you get the gist. I’m still struggling with this, but I’ve definitely learned that it is okay to be a little selfish at times and worry about yourself. If you don’t feel like going out, don’t go out; if you don’t feel like hanging out with someone, don’t hang out with them. Nifty! I spent so much time trying to make everyone else happy, I ignored the pain in my body and convinced myself that I was overreacting.

2. You Find Out Who is Truly There for You

In life, we all have friends who will come to parties with us, who will come to the mall with us and who will grab lunch with us. However, true colors begin to shine through once you are sick, because you are no longer “fun”. The true friends, though, are the ones that will hold your hand as you get scary test results, who will ask how your doctor’s appointments went, and who will understand when you can’t go out because you simply do not feel well. The people who stay silent are the people that need to be silenced from your life—because anyone who can abandon you in this time is not worth it. We are all busy and all have busy lives, but I will always remember who was there for me in my greatest time of need. The people who hear you when you are silent are the people to keep in your life.

3. Until It Happens to You, You Won't Get It

I would always get annoyed when people said this to me, because what made them think they were so superior because they had struggled more than I? However, it is true; until something traumatic of this sort happens to you, your empathy will never be at the level of the victim—and that is okay. I would not wish the pain I endured upon my greatest enemy, and I would not want anyone to suffer what I suffered through. But being sensitive and mindful with your words goes a long way, and sometimes your presence is all that is needed; there is nothing you can say or do to fix me, so do not try to fill the silence with a story of a time you had a really crazy flu and “you totally get it”, because you simply do not. You learn a lot about yourself when you have to email your professors and explain that you’re in the ICU so you might not *~ make it to classes for a bit, but life’s a rollercoaster. When you hear someone telling you about an awful event that happened to them, LISTEN.

4. Asking for Help Does NOT Make You Weak.

Personally, this was probably (and still is) the most difficult aspect of being sick. Asking for help and displaying vulnerability is my least favorite activity, but with my newfound illness I found myself needing to ask for help more than I wished. Luckily, I was blessed with some of the most amazing friends who served as my family during these times. My roommate cared for me post surgery, and dealt with my Vicodin-induced mood swings (prior to learning I am also allergic to Vicodin). My poor mother catered to my needs at home, and my dad drove forty-five minutes’ home from work to take me to the hospital in the middle of the day. If I didn’t ask for help these times, I may no longer be here or be able to live comfortably.

5. Don't Dwell on Things You Can't Change

Dwelling on aspects and issues that cannot be changed is a waste of brain power. I can’t undo what happened to my body, I can’t magically get my perfect vision back, and I also can’t magically make people care about me. I could obsess over my misdiagnosis, or my pain; but what’s the point? It’s not enjoyable breaking out in hives in public for undetermined reasons, but I can’t change any of this, and life is too damn short to worry about it. There are always going to be super miserable circumstances in life, and we just have to accept what we can’t change. On a lighter note, the only soap I am now not allergic to is a hypoallergenic and scentless formula that comes in the beautiful shape of a Dove bar; for those of you who know me, you know how hard it was to ditch my scent-overloaded body wash, but there are just some things you can’t change. Sigh.

6. Everything Actually Does Happen for a Reason

When I missed a few day of classes on the first day, I felt like my life was over; but my life was simply beginning. I feared professors would be rude and condescending, and I received the opposite; they were nurturing, warm, and extremely understanding of my unique situation. At the time, my major was something I picked because it’s what I thought I sold do; my heart was not in it. Upon getting sick, I grew very close to one of my professors in particular whom gave me the courage to follow my dreams. She may not explicitly know this, but it is her class that gave me the strength to do what makes my soul happy. Without my illness, I never would have grown so close to her, and gained such an amazing role model, and in the famous words of Ma Ingalls herself “all’s well it ends well.” Silver lining, people; sometimes it’s hidden under layers of unfortunate events, but you will eventually find it.

7. Do What ACTUALLY Makes Your Soul Happy

Before getting sick, I was trying to obtain a degree I wasn’t passionate about because it made a lot of money as opposed to pursuing a degree in my passion, which is writing. Journalism is a major that is often down-played and treated “inferior” to most other degrees, especially with all of the “Fake News” (ha) out there; but the power of words is one that will always yield an immense power—do what makes your soul happy, not your wallet. When I saw my life flash before my eyes, I realized that life is too damn short to waste another moment doing something I had no interest in.

8. People Will Abandon You

I’m just going to be blunt here, more often than not, I feel like a massive burden to people. It may be paranoia at times, but many simply do not understand that my silence doesn’t mean I’m not in pain, it just means I’m tired of talking to an empty room of blank faces. If I open up to you about my struggles, making myself feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, I’m not asking for pity and I’m not asking for you to “do anything”, but accepting me for my “good” and “bad” is important in maintaining a relationship. I understand me This is somewhat redundant, but here’s the takeaway: when the going gets tough, a majority of the people in your life get going. Their abandonment is not a sign of your flaws, it’s actually a sign of theirs—when shit hits the fan, people tend to “stop, drop, and roll!” like there is an inferno swirling from within you attempting to swallow them.

9. Life is a Rollercoaster

Metaphorically and literally, this quote hits the nail on the head (or in my case, the organs. Too soon?). This isn’t a quote I can solely take credit for, because it has probably been spit out at people about a million and eighteen times. However, I never realized how accurate this quote was until I was forced to think about it a bit; a low point on my roller coaster was probably when I threw up on my male nurse at four in the morning, or the student nurse who observed me as I flailed around like a dead fish. She goes to my school, so I always wonder if she has seen me since and remembered me as the girl who refused to eat hospital food and asked if I would be back in time for my accounting class that day. Anyhow, life is a roller-coaster and I’d say I took a pretty massive plunge that day, but I am on the upward spiral.