A wise Adam Levine once sang, "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." I have no idea if he and his band were singing about a long distance relationship, but I do know the lyrics are very applicable to that. As two time summertime long distance relationship participants, you might think my boyfriend and I would be good at spending weeks apart. False. Long distance relationships test every single aspect of a relationship. Looking back on this summer and the previous, I've decided to reflect on what it means to be in an LDR.
Pillow talk
Pillow talk takes on a whole new meaning. Gone are the nights of staying up and getting all cuddly and talking about everything and anything. Instead you get cozied up and rest your phone between your ear and your pillow. It's precious time to hear about your significant other's day, and for them to hear of yours. You tell the funny thing that happened at work or how it was chicken tender day in the cafeteria. No detail is too small because you want it to be like they experienced it with you. Pillow talk on the phone can get tricky though. If someone makes a sarcastic comment and the other person doesn't get it then it may get messy. Or if someone (like me, a female) is PMS-ing, I'm prepared to take everything personally and be on the defense. I've learned LDR pillow talk takes patience and a positive mindset on both ends.
Expect the unexpected
My mom (who was in an LDR all through college with my dad) always reminds me to not have expectations when it comes to my man. Not like in the respectful/caring sense - I wouldn't date a guy who doesn't treat me as I deserve - but in the way where I am secretly hoping my boyfriend will jump out of my closet and surprise me every day or send me as many letters as Noah did to Allie in the Notebook. My boyfriend and I are both busy and have jobs. It isn't fair for me to think he has all this extra time (and money) to be wherever I want him to be. The less you expect, the sweeter it becomes when flowers do arrive at the door.
A Deaf Person Has Better Eyesight
When a person loses their hearing, their other senses are supposed to become stronger to compensate for what is missing. In an LDR, the relationship loses any physical contact. I didn't actually understand this until summer number 2, but that physical aspect is really really important to me. I love having my dude across from me as I tell him about my day or how he'll wipe my hair away that's fallen over my face. When that part just went away, I felt empty. It wasn't until a very long heart to heart with my mom in the middle of the night that I realized I had two options to feel better. I either needed to accept that for a few months my relationship would be lacking, or I could do as a deaf man would do and strengthen other aspects of what we had. It hasn't been easy, but I am learning to focus more on our good conversation and the Chipotle date we had over Facetime and less on wishing he was there for me to physically lean on.
Long distance relationships suck, there's no hiding that. But with the right person and the right mindset it is doable. The keys are to stay positive and to go on living your life. Time apart is time to work on yourself. The stronger the relationship you have with yourself the better outside relationships become. So to my friends out there counting down the days until you see your S.O., hang in there, and appreciate the fact you have someone so awesome that makes this all worth it.
