I met the man I would eventually marry when I was 15 years old. I can remember the day I met him like it was yesterday and in the blink of an eye three years had passed and we welcomed our first child into the world. Before I knew it, another three years had passed and together we had two more children. At 21, we decided to make it official.
When I look back on it now I am not sure if I was even ready to make that commitment, but I remember thinking that we had children together so we had to be together. I knew that our relationship had been suffering, but being naïve, I thought that something as simple as a marriage license would put all the pieces back together.
I know now that the reason I held on so long was because it was familiar. I feel like it is human instinct to run towards what we already know rather than exploring something new. Over the course of our eight-year relationship, I lost who I was. The both of us come from very different families and lifestyles so I felt like I had to change to please him even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness.
I sometimes wonder if we started our relationship a little too young. We have both changed so much, as people do as they grow up, and we aren’t the same people who met back in high school, and the people we are now just do not click. I reached a point where I didn’t want to please other people if it meant I would be miserable. I took control of my own life and I guess that’s when things took a turn for the worse.
At first, I felt guilty for feeling the way I do, but I have come to realize that sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to last forever. These things just happen. Change is inevitable and comes whether we want it to or not. A relationship can only last as long as those involved can continue to grow as a couple. Sometimes, two people can only grow so much before the relationship starts to suffer.
These are things that at 15, I was too immature to understand. I believed in young love and that despite the odds we would be together forever. I convinced myself that I couldn’t make it on my own but, I have reached a level of self-worth where I know that I am much stronger than I once thought.
When you meet a married couple, it can be pretty easy to tell if they are happily or unhappily married. I have met many people who are unhappily married but remain together because of convenience. Rather than experience the world, they settle. After deeply reflecting on the last eight years of my life, I am now confident knowing I will not live that way.
