You know the one. They were usually quiet and maybe couldn't quite pull off the same clothes as the other kids. You probably avoided them, or wondered aloud what their problem was. Well that kid was me: the "weird one." Maybe it was that I was an only child, and thus less socialized than my peers, or maybe it was my unfortunate dental condition that left me with discolored baby teeth. Regardless, even at the age of five, I remember having the unmistakable feeling that a pecking order had been created among my classmates, and I'd landed myself a position at the bottom.
Whatever I had done or not done to earn myself "weird kid" status followed me throughout elementary and middle school. Kids would start rumors (usually true, if we're being honest) about who I had a crush on; they would ask me out as a joke. In one particularly fun instance, the boys made a list of the ugliest girls in school. Not to brag, but they crowned me number one. It was like winning a reverse beauty contest.
Recommended for you
Needless to say, I was thrilled when high school rolled around. Instead of being in a grade with the same kids who I had known since pre-school, I would be attending an all girl's high school known for its sisterhood-like community. No one there would have to know that I insisted on dressing like a pioneer for the entirety of the third grade, and that accidental snot rocket in seventh grade would be ancient history!
Turned out, weird kid syndrome wasn't that easily curable. I still distinctly felt like I was on the outside looking in, like I would never mesh seamlessly with kids my own age. At first I was devastated and hated myself for being such a freak. I mean, at this point I couldn't deny it. If I was still weird, my classmates were labeling me as such due to my current mannerisms, not because they remembered my mess-up while singing "The Tide is High" in the first grade talent show.
It was around sophomore year that I realized something. There was absolutely no point in hating the universe for not allowing me to be like other kids. I was only doing damage by avoiding the friends I did have because they weren't "cool," and I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by a letting people I saw as "mean" or "popular" have this crushing effect on me.
I found that the second I stopped throwing myself a pity party, my situation started looking up. The more I embraced who I was, the better people seemed to respond to me. It didn't take long to realize that maybe I had brought the "weird kid" label on myself for all these years. I mean, when I thought about it, I seemed to remember plenty of "popular" kids losing their cookies in front of the whole class, passing out during assembly, or committing some other act as egregious as my own. Why had they recovered from it and I hadn't? Because of how they carried themselves. From that point on, I decided I was going to carry myself like the person I wanted to be, not the person I thought I was.
Once I entered college, I made sure I came across as someone who was sure of who she was and what she wanted. I knew that not everyone would be charmed by my propensity for being blunt or over sharing. But the people who didn't shy away turned out to be the most fun and loyal friends I could have asked for. The things I was previously mocked for being "obsessed" with, I started receiving praise for being passionate about. Not only have I been able to mesh with these people in a way I had previously only dreamed about, but they are as weird as I am.
Not only did I find I had more social success once I changed my attitude, but I also became more successful academically and in my extracurriculars. While before I would have said, "No one wants a freshman on the student senate," I instead chose to take the position anyways. Instead of saying, "I'm not smart enough to be a tutor! I failed that one lab assignment in the first week!" I actively pursued the position, and got it even though they were not planning on hiring any new tutors. Once I stopped letting past failures deter me from trying to succeed, I found that my success was abundant and my life was more well rounded than it had ever been.
So what's the take-away here? Sure, I could end by talking about how important it is to be kind to others, or tell you to encourage them. I could tell you that the worst way to bring yourself up is by bringing others down. And those would all be important lessons, ones we should practice every day. But the truth is, we can't expect everyone to follow those guidelines. If you walk through life with the attitude that everyone should treat you a certain way, you will be hurt and disappointed.
Instead, the message I want to convey is that you can't expect motivation from anyone but yourself, and you can't expect to be treated a certain way. You can only control your own attitude and how you conduct yourself. Next time someone tries to put you down, refuse to be the victim. Remember the words of Bernard M. Baruch: "be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
