What does love even mean? Is it telling someone you love them whether you mean it or not? Is it checking up on an old friend after a while? Is it making your lover their lunch to bring to work? Is it all of those things? Is it none of those things?

I don't even know what love is anymore.

Love used to be the most important thing to me. I thrived off of the feeling. But that has gone away now. Ever since he walked out the door I don't know what to believe in anymore.

Love used to mean making coffee together in the morning while talking about the dreams we had that night.

But I haven't made coffee in weeks and now I write all of my dreams down in my journal for no one to hear.

Love used to be getting off work early and my heart skipping a beat because it meant I got to spend extra time with him.

But now I'm working overtime.

Love used to be dancing.

Not to music but to the sound of our hearts beating fast as we held one another. Now I listen to music with my headphones in, blocking out everyone around me.

Love was him walking into the room and me instantly feeling safe.

Now I keep my keys between my fingers and my hand wrapped tight around the pepper spray, ready for anything.

Love used to be falling asleep with his arms around me.

Now I have my arms around myself holding myself together.

All I know about love now is that I don't know anything at all.