Sometimes there is no right thing to say. | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

Sometimes there is no right thing to say.

Talking to someone with depression is challenging, but it also has its own rewards.

8
Sometimes there is no right thing to say.
Pexels

For the past month, I’ve been talking with someone who has severe depression and self-loathing. I listen to him vent, offer advice, and occasionally help him with homework. It’s been one of the more challenging experiences I’ve ever had, since the knowledge that my words influence his mood weighs heavily on my mind.

While I am not an aspiring Psychology major, nor have I had any training in counseling but my own experience, I do the best I can. I have not advised him to seek out a licensed therapist—and I am not entirely sure I should do so, for reasons that are intensely personal to him, and which I will not share.

(A short disclaimer: I realize that many of these thoughts are selfish. I contend that they are human and challenge anyone in my position to think differently.)

Despite these challenges, I have learned an incredible amount about myself in the past month. Perhaps others may also be able to take something away from my experiences

1. Sometimes there is no right thing to say.

There have been many times when I’ve simply been lost for words. When he brings up how much he hates himself, that he is a burden to me, or that he can’t get anything right—those are the moments where I am truly scared that one wrong word might send him over the edge. So far, I have always been able to remind him of the good there is in the world, but I am afraid that the one time I can’t come up with the right words may be the time that it matters most.

2. Sometimes I have to set aside my own feelings.

With each conversation, I cycle through a range of emotions: concern, frustration, relief, anger, exhaustion. It is akin to funneling resources into a black hole, as much of the encouragement I proffer is met with more self-loathing, as if it had not been acknowledged at all. Sometimes I have to walk away or even utter my exasperation aloud. By the end, I often feel drained, as if he is siphoning his depression off to me. But I feel responsible, and so I always set aside my own feelings and try to support him. Knowing that I am trusted enough to hear his deepest fears and insecurities is also an incredibly humbling experience. As such, I try to treat him with the same respect I would give anyone, regardless of whether they battle their own demons.

3. But, there is a difference between being supportive and being subordinate.

Just because I offer him reassurance does not mean that I am at his beck and call. I respond only when I know I am available, and do not carve out my schedule to suit him. Yes, I help him with his homework—but I do not do it for him. Yes, I validate him—but when he asked me if I wanted to be something more than friends, I refused. I know I don’t owe him anything. I talk to this person because I want to help him, not because I am bound to. That is a difference worth noting.

4. My words can make a positive difference in someone’s life.

As challenging as this experience has been for me, it has also been incredibly rewarding. When he tells me that I have made him laugh or smile or feel even a tiny bit better, I am likewise gratified, in the same way that I might smile if someone else does. In a way, trying to make him happy is like solving a math problem—except that there is no right answer, and any solution is hazy at best. I don’t know for sure how likely he is to take his own life, or how close he has come to giving up completely. However, I know that it is at least partially through my words that he is able to get through one more day. I hope it is enough.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Mays Island
Courtney Jones

Today I started my third week of college at Minnesota State Moorhead. I have survived welcome week, finding my classes on the first day, and being an awkward loner in the dining hall. Even though I have yet to be here for a month, I have already experienced many thoughts and problems that only a new college student can relate to.

Keep Reading...Show less
college

"Make sure to get involved when you're in college!"

We've all heard some variation of this phrase, whether it came from parents, other family members, friends, RAs, or college-related articles. And, like many clichés, it's true for the most part. Getting involved during your college years can help you make friends, build your resume, and feel connected to your campus. However, these commitments can get stressful if you're dealing with personal issues, need to work, or aren't sure how to balance classes and everything else going on during the semester.

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

9 Reasons Why Friends Are Essential In College

College without friends is like peanut butter without jelly.

278
Bridgaline Liberati and friends
Bridgaline Liberati

In college, one of the essential things to have is friends. Yes, textbooks, a laptop, and other school supplies are important but friends are essential. Friends are that support system everybody needs. The more friends you have the better the support system you have. But you also have someone to share experiences with. And don’t settle for just one or two friends because 8 out of 10 times they are busy and you are studying all alone. Or they have other friend groups that do not include you. Don’t settle for just one or two friends; make as many friends as you can. After the first couple of weeks of college, most friend groups are set and you may be without friends.

Keep Reading...Show less
sneakers and heels
Sister | Brother Style - Word Press

For a moment your world is spinning. The phone alarm has just scared you awake and you’re flooded by daunting thoughts of the day ahead. You have three assignments due and little time to work on them because of your job. You’re running late because you’ve hit snooze one to many times after yesterday’s long hours. You dizzily reach for a hoodie, craving its comfort, and rush for a speedy exit, praying you will have time to pick up coffee. Does this sound familiar?

Keep Reading...Show less
Entertainment

11 Signs You Live At The Library As Told by 'Parks And Recreation'

A few signs that you may live in the library whether you'd like to admit it or not.

194
brown wooden book shelves with books

Finals week is upon us. It is a magical time of year during which college students everywhere flock to the library in attempt to learn a semester's worth of knowledge in only a week. For some students, it's their first time in the library all semester, maybe ever. Others have slaved away many nights under the fluorescent lights, and are slightly annoyed to find their study space being invaded by amateurs. While these newbies wander aimlessly around the first floor, hopelessly trying to find a table, the OGs of the library are already on the third floor long tables deep into their studies. Here is a few signs that you may live in the library, whether you'd like to admit it or not.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments