My mom always told me that life is not a race. As much as I’ve always enjoyed exploring new subject matter, I’m very open about how school has been one of the greatest sources of my anxiety. After my senior year in high school, I opted to take a gap year to assess what it is I wanted, and honestly, nearly five years later I’m still not entirely sure. However, something about me has changed these past few years, and that is my attitude toward racing to meet our next deadline, yet another standard we unfairly place on ourselves.
When I was 18, I wasn’t ready to take the leap and go off to college; I wasn’t ready to leave my home, or throw myself into the loathsome two-year course load of Gen Ed classes. I wasn’t ready to live among people I never met, people I wasn’t sure I’d like; it was hard enough liking myself, and this is something I force myself to work on. What was especially difficult was watching my best friends go off and have these grand experiences that I envied, while I wasn’t ready to take the leap they had. However, it wasn’t something I could blame them for; I would constantly beat myself up for being "behind a chapter." That wasn’t the case, but it felt that way.
Recommended for you
Although I didn’t trek through it without difficulty, I am now very thankful for my choice to take a year off from school and the subsequent three years to complete my time in community college. There were (and still are) some times I kick myself for not getting things done sooner, but it was one of the best decisions I ever made. What I’ve ultimately taken from my experiences over the past few years could only be learned in hindsight: I am right on schedule and exactly where I need to be.
Sure, I could have gone off to college right after high school; I could have spent my first year charging through General Education classes instead of taking classes which stimulated my creativity; I could have probably finished junior college in the minimum two years had I really wanted to; but I would have missed out on all the unique life experiences which are crucial to who I am today. I would not have had the great fortune to meet the close-knit group of weirdos I now call my best friends. I wouldn’t have turned 20 in Paris while studying abroad. I wouldn’t have met the bearded boy I call my other-half. I wouldn’t have gotten to enjoy spending as much time with my grandparents the last few years of my life before they passed away. And I would have missed out on the late night talks and buffoonery, getting to know my brother on a deeper level when he briefly moved home after graduating college. My life would be drastically different, but the point is that I like where I am now, and who I am becoming.
The thing is, my own trials and triumphs have never stopped me from being proud of my friends and what they have accomplished. It’s taken me a long time, but I am at a point where I don’t feel this need to compare myself to other people. I am incredibly lucky for their incomparable support, compassion and companionship. As many of them have graduated and entered a new chapter in life, or are still figuring out what they would like to learn, I have learned that no matter where we are in our stories, we are all just as paramount.
Now that I have nearly completed my first year at university as a transfer student, perhaps the greatest lesson I have taken away is that there is beauty in recognizing that you are exactly where you need to be, and that there is so much further for you to go.
