I've always had a really close relationship with my parent's, and it has been a life goal of mine to find someone with a similar relationship to their own.
It never dawned on me that there would come a day where not only would I not experience that with the person I loved, but I'd never get to see it either.
There are several times where I start to think about our future children and wonder the questions that will come up about the grandma they never got to meet. I use to dread these questions because to be completely honest, I didn't know my boyfriend's mom before she passed. The questions they would have, I might as well have been asking too.
Then I realized I get to learn about a beautiful woman with my beautiful children, and maybe it won't be as scary as I once thought it would be. In fact, maybe it would be even more memorable to be able to learn about someone I would have loved, with children who would've loved her even more from someone who loved her with all of his heart.
I don't ask my boyfriend about his parent that he lost much. It's not because I'm not interested in learning everything about his mom—I truly couldn't be any more curious. It's actually for the small, but important fact that my boyfriend doesn't enjoy being sad. He would rather not talk about all the things our children might miss with not having her as a grandma, but instead talk about how she wanted her life to be celebrated and embraced, rather than moping or wishing she could come back. I give that to him because he'd give me anything in the world. It's only fair I look out for him too, in whatever ways I'm capable of.
There are certain things I'm hesitant on saying in front of him. Sometimes, I even find myself not talking about the future and how excited I am to watch my parents be the bad-ass grandparents I know they're destined to be because I know that he knows that's not the same fate for his mom.
Between the both of us, if granting an 11:11 wish was at all possible, we'd have enough wishes set on her coming back than we do anything else in the world.
I see so many quotes about finding someone who treats their mom like gold, and I wish I would have been around to see my boyfriend treating his mom exactly like that because I know he did. When he does talk about her, there's not one bad thing he can even think of saying besides she did too much for too many people. Then I find myself smiling because I see the same selfless qualities in him. I may not get to see what qualities he has that came from his beautiful mom, but I sure can sit back and admire the ones I think do.
I'll never get to give my boyfriend's mom a card that goes on and on about how happy I am to one day have a second mom, and no, I'll never have a second mom. However, I will have the many memories that live on through her children and her husband. I will say I'm lucky to be associated with a family that really never lets her die. I know I'm thankful for it, and I think one day our children will be too.
Having a significant other who lost a parent, opens your eyes to how truly grateful you must be to have your own in your life. You never actually take into consideration what losing a parent does to someone until you watch someone you love endure all the effects they have..not only in the present but all throughout the course of their life.
Not having your mom be there to hold your new baby.
Not having them see you get married.
Not having them even see who you're marrying.
Strangely enough, I believe I was put into my boyfriend's life to fill the void. No, I'll never fill it completely, and I would never try to take her place. However, I anticipate on spending every day of my life celebrating the life of the woman who was responsible for bringing this person into my own.
And that's exactly what I will do.
Then hopefully, it'll be like she never even left.
