My heart aches every single day. I see people who are so successful at what I've have always wanted to do, and I sit and wonder why I was cursed with a burning passion, but not enough natural talent to achieve what I've always wanted. It's the sad reality for so many people who have big dreams but were just not given the capacity to match them. It's the daily struggle for people like me.
I knew when I was ten that I wanted to be on Broadway. I joined every school and community show I could, and every show was a new adventure into what I assumed would be my career path. Then, toward the end of my high school career, I realized that I just didn't have enough natural talent to pursue a career in musical theater. Dancing and acting have always been my strong suit, but my singing ability has never been enough. And in the musical theater profession, singing is the one trait that can't be trained. I always knew I wasn't exactly good enough, but it hit me the hardest when I knew the dream was really gone.
Making the decision of what I wanted to major in was a struggle, since I knew that nothing I ever did could measure up to what I really wanted to do. My major, TV production, is something I love being a part of and something I feel I truly have a natural talent for. But every time I think about the future, my heart drifts to somewhere my mind knows I can't be. It's a feeling I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Sometimes I'm paralyzed by the thought that I'm in the wrong major and that I really should follow my dreams. The thoughts are always squashed by the crushing realization that my childhood dreams were too big, and that if I do take a leap, I'll be faced with a lifetime of disappointment. I'm more afraid of failure than I am of a life of unfulfilled dreams. It's just what happens when what I love isn't what I'm going to be doing with my life.
I don't mean to say that you shouldn't dream. Everyone should dream as big as they possibly can and try to defy the odds rather than try to define them. In this day and age, people are breaking stigmas and achieving the impossible every day. For me, it's just not possible, and I have to try to figure out what to do with that.
If you're in the same position as me, I don't know what advice to give you since I don't know what to do myself. I constantly go back and forth between wanting to follow my dreams and doing what I know I can be successful at. So try to think for yourself, and what will make you happy. Be comfortable with your decisions and follow your dreams, even if you think you might not achieve them. Better to try and fail than not try and never know if you could have.
