When I was only six years old my Mother (at the age of 39) was diagnosed with colon cancer. Of course, when you’re only six it doesn’t all register, but children are a lot smarter than you think. To this day I can remember events she missed due to major surgeries, watching her chemo bag drip until we could go home, hearing that her cancer was terminal, and saying goodbye to her for the very last time. Someone can attempt to describe the roller coaster of emotions you go through, but the plain truth is it’s different for everyone. Overall there are a few broad things we can all agree on; it’s painful for your fighter and you, life becomes full of questions because you don’t know what their future holds, and when it’s all said and done (depending on the outcome) you’re left lost trying to piece together a whole new puzzle you’ve been handed.

Cancer is painful.

Watching a parent, someone who fights your battles for you now take on their own is pure pain. Knowing you absolutely can’t do anything about it hurts even more. When I was around seven we had a class assignment, it was to draw a picture of what you wanted for Christmas. Most kids drew cars or dolls, but not me. I drew a picture of a “magic potion” that Santa brought that would heal my Mom’s cancer. Being 21 and reading that it just breaks my heart. I couldn’t imagine it from my mother's perspective. Cancer is painful for everyone in its path.

Cancer creates questions.

When you’re little, you’re naïve to most situations. Luckily, you have caretakers to watch over you and make sure things are going well. When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer it flips your whole world upside down. A big part of it depends on the stage and plan for treatment but it still creates many questions specifically “what if's?” For people like myself who like to plan everything out to a “T” having things go haywire is the worst thing. Cancer creates the toughest questions too which is never easy.

Cancer makes you lost.

When it’s all said and done no matter what the outcome is cancer leaves you lost. What do I do next? Where do I go next? Once you realize that this surreal situation is real it hurts. It may take days, maybe even weeks until it really hits you. They’re not coming back. From this point on nothing is ever going to be the same. Learning to live with someone you’ve had your whole life is tough and it feels impossible. I’m a firm believer that time heals, but it also does create challenges as well. You learn a lot about yourself from the years to come.