Every fourth of July in the United States, people choose from a handful of patriotic activities in order to celebrate being independent and free. Some have a cookout with family, some head to the beach, and some snuggle up with their laptop and watch firework shows from around the world. But the true patriots, the Americans who bleed red-white-and-blue until the sun rises in the west and sets on the British empire, know that there's only one real way to celebrate our independence day: reading National Treasure fan fiction on the shadowed edges of our beloved internet.
I remember the first fourth of July that I spent partaking in this time-honored tradition. My father sat me down on his lap, logged onto his computer, and began to read…
"It's there," said Benjamin Gates, historian and explorer who resembles Nicolas Cage.
"What's there?" said another character. I don't remember the names of any characters besides Benjamin Gates and I only remember that because I just googled it.
"A menu. There's a menu on the back of the Declaration of Independence," said Ben as he stared across the table at his beautiful date. She was one of those smart people. You know, the kind that work at universities or libraries. Her auburn hair draped her face like a national secret, waiting to be exposed.
The memory of my father's sonorous voice reading me this passage has never been able to escape the confines of my nostalgia. I remember how eager I was to hear another fanfic after my dad had finished the first, but dad said that I'd have to wait a year. Going outside afterward so that I could smell the grill, I just couldn't shake the patriotic and mysterious storytelling from my mind.
One year later, I woke up before the sun rose and ran to my father's room. "Daddy, daddy! Read us another tale of masonic intrigue and romance!" I shouted at my slumbering father.
"The eye at the top of the pyramid, the heart under my chiseled pectorals…all of these symbols mean something," said Ben.
"I love you," she replied, looking through the 200-year-old pair of bifocals that they had found in the brick.
Every year, the stories would get better and better. Some years, I'd make a calendar so that I could count down to the greatest day of the year. Today, I can't smell a grill or a bonfire without thinking about the iconography of the one dollar bill. It upsets me that so many people don't take part in this tradition, seeing as it's so integral to the history of our nation. We're a country founded on the morals and principles of the Freemasons and it's about time we acted like it.
