This morning one of my beautiful friends posted a picture of herself that inspired awe. This isn't the first time I have had a friend post a photo of herself that made me question my own body and question what I need to do to get a body like hers. I considered it for a while and I realized that there has never been one day in recent memory in which I didn't hate my body. Even when I was 130 pounds and people were constantly telling me I looked sick, I felt fat and I saw places on my body where I could have tightened up. I don't even know if I would like my body if I managed to get it to look the way my friend's body did in her picture. Do you guys know how hard it is to constantly, continually, and fiercely hate your body? It's exhausting.

Nothing I do is right. I eat too much, I don't lift weights, I focus way too much on cardio, I like junk food, etc. I have been a runner for years and a yogi for even longer. I hike, I walk my dogs, and I enjoy being active but it is never enough. I have never had the strength to lift my own body. I have never had sculpted abs or toned arms. I have never felt good about wearing clothes that show off my tummy. I always have flab. When I sit down, there are rolls. Every single day, I wish I looked different than I do. What a horrible way to exist.

The most absurd thing about my body issues are that I am not fat. In my rational mind, I know that. I am a size 8. My friends tell me all the time that they can see me as I really am and that I am beautiful. I believe them. I see women larger than me all the time and find myself entranced by their beauty and the perfection of their bodies, so why can't I see that in myself? I blame society. I blame the patriarchy. I blame the media, who calls Amy Schumer plus-size when she is about the same size as I am. I blame a world that has shown me that I am only valuable if I am beautiful. I blame the fact that I have watched all my life as pretty girls have an easier time than the rest of the girls.

The bottom line is that we live in a world where beauty is a commodity. Our looks matter and we are all at fault for allowing this continue. We are at fault for buying into it. We can change it. We can set our own beauty standards and we can find validity in ourselves, but we have to commit. I don't think it needs to be huge steps, baby steps will do. Looking in the mirror and saying, "Damn, I look good today," is a great place to start. Not stepping on the scale every day expecting to magically be at whatever magic number we think will make us feel better would do wonders. Being healthy, active, eating well, spending time with friends, laughing, soaking up the sunshine, and doing it all without obsessing over body image can make a difference. Buy the dress if it makes you feel pretty. Do your makeup if that's your thing. Get the haircut if you want.

Ask yourself today, and everyday, "What can I do to make myself feel beautiful?" and then do it. For me, that often looks like getting a tattoo, shaving my head, wearing mismatched clothes, going for a run, getting on my mat, or attempting to wear every single ring that I own. It doesn't have to look like that for everyone, the important thing is to be aware of what that looks like for you. The other important thing is for it to be realistic and to be about you. It's taking me a lot of work, but I am slowly realizing that what I see on T.V. and in the movies may not actually make me feel beautiful. It makes me feel pressured and it makes me feel worse. I do better if I consider myself and what would make me happy and then I do it.

My goal is not to hate my body. I am a work in progress. I am a work on my own. I am not a Kardashian. I am not a model. I do not have to be a product of the patriarchy. I have the right and the power to be a product of myself. We all have this right. We all have this power. We simply have to become aware and we have to harness it. Easier said than done, but I believe that every human has the right to feel beautiful.