"...if you lost a lot weight you might actually be able to attract a human."

I saw those words flash across my screen and I blanched. I blinked back the tears and tried to regulate my breathing. What I so desperately tried to avoid was out there for the world to see, as if they already couldn't see it just by looking at my appearance. I was in my own worst nightmare.

That simple sentence made my world tilt off of its axis and my blood pump a little faster. I was mortified, scared, and angry. I have been thinking a lot about body shaming the past couple of days since it has reared its ugly head into my personal life and made me act in an introspective manner.

Would a boy ever really like me? Am I really that disgusting? This vegan diet must not be working. I desperately need to lose thirty pounds. Maybe I should skip breakfast? Will I ever get married?

These thoughts consumed me and I felt awful. Worthless and ugly, like I could never actually be loved by anyone other than those obligated to love me.

I'm no stranger to thoughts like these. My high school years were filled with being "the fat friend." I watched each year as my friends went on dates, texted numerous boys and eventually became involved in relationships. I was never that lucky.

I resented my upbringing, my unhealthy relationship with food, the size of my jeans, and the fact that no matter how hard I try I never seem to be able to preach body positivity as wholeheartedly as others.

As a rising sophomore in college, I am desperately trying to love my body. I even bought my first crop top the other day. It is times like these where all of the hard work I have done is wasted.

All because some jerk who I kind of know went a little too far on an insult.

This jerk isn't even good looking, smart or talented. In fact, I wouldn't want to have the life that he has, not even in a million years. I didn't even like this person or the person who he was defending. I will never see them again, or even want too for that matter.

I put so much weight in the flurry of insults from him, that I even scolded myself for knowing better. I have been so focused on the my flaws, which make me unique, I didn't even give any weight to the things that matter. (No pun intended.)

For starters, I am blessed with the opportunity to write this article. I have an amazing support group, I am going to an amazing college in the fall, I love my job and I live in an amazing city. I can wake up every single day in a comfortable bed and go about my day with the biggest worry being what flavor of coffee I'll have to chose that morning at Dunkin'. I have family, friends and co-workers who all care about my well being and I am healthy.

I'm alive for Christ's sake; I should get an award just for that!

Just because I am not a six foot tall model who wears a size zero doesn't give me any less of a reason to live a fulfilled life that is full of happy thoughts and amazing experiences.

I am on step one of a self-love journey, and plan to chronicle my future endeavors in the hopes of maybe helping a fellow "fat friend." Girl or boy, fat or skinny, smart, stupid or any where in between, nobody deserves to be singled out for something out of their control.

Stay tuned for more from this fat friend because I am most definitely not letting this one go! I can hold a grudge and make it count better than anyone I know!