My whole life I have been a Chameleon.
I know what you're thinking, "Is this some kind of terrible spin off of Kafka's Metamorphosis?"
No, I mean, my whole life I have been a walking, talking, human chameleon. And I am not proud of it.
Ever since I was young, I have felt the need to fit in, as I'm sure everyone has. I would bounce from friend group to friend group trying to find the one that fit me best. I was trying to find the people that I could be myself around. Unfortunately, I didn't find many of those people.
Every group of people that I wanted to be around, I didn't fit their criteria. So naturally, I started to act like whoever I wanted to be around.
That doesn't sound so bad, right? I mean, just act one way with one group of friends and a different way with another and before you know it, you've got yourself a diverse support system.
But that's not how being a chameleon works.
Being a chameleon is changing yourself in spite of what you actually want to be.
It is endlessly longing for the approval of people who aren't even like you.
It is finding new friends every year or so and trying to match their colors, too.
The thing about being a chameleon is that you can't stay blended in forever. Eventually you have to return to your original color. And sadly, after camouflaging yourself enough times, you forget what your real color is. So you just keep finding new friends, creating new colors, and over time pieces of those colors stay with you.
Until finally, you are a combination of things you never intende to be, left wondering who you really are.
