Being the only one in your friend group who doesn’t drink, smoke or party can be quite difficult, especially in 2016 where partying is part of the young adult culture. It seems that everyone is immersed in drinking on the weekends, getting high after school, and experimenting with all kinds of drugs for the exhilaration that otherwise can't be found in our everyday lives. For students, these escapes from the real world are almost an essential part of getting through the day. The pressures parents and teachers put on students along with homework, sports, and work can sometimes feel like the weight of the world, and to relax and have fun for a few hours on the weekend or after school is the perfect remedy. But for some people, the appeal of getting high just isn't there, and that's okay.
It's okay to be sober.
The main reason it's perfectly okay and recommended to live a sober and drug-free lifestyle is that it'll save you a ton of money. You won't have to buy alcohol or a fake ID for that matter. All jokes aside, if you choose to not partake in that scene, you shouldn't feel bad about it. It's completely understandable if you do feel bad, though. I've been offered a drink or a smoke so many times but declined politely at every chance. I felt like I took the fun out of the experience for everyone, but I soon learned that people don't care if you decline, and if they do, you shouldn't be around those people in the first place.
If you, dear reader, smoke or drink yourself and are wondering why I choose not to, here's why: I like to remember moments of my life with complete clarity, and I also like to live in the moment with the same outlook. Parties never appealed to me, and getting drunk or high never did either. So many people act as if it's a rite of passage to drink or smoke at least once, as if it's essential to life, but it's not. Someone who is sober is not boring or stuck up, they just chose not to do those things. It's the same thing as getting a license. You may think it's crucial in life to get a license, while others take the bus or ride a bike. That's their choice. You can't hate someone for making the choice to be sober. Well, you can, but that would make you an asshole.
The "air in the bag of chips" friend.
You may be thinking to yourself, "why don't you just hang out with people who don't drink or smoke?" The answer may vary for everyone. Personally, I have no issues with what my friends do with their free time. If it makes them happy, then as their friend I want them to be happy. My initial friend group in high school was similar to me: no one smoked or drank. We were also freshmen, and in 2011 we had other interests, including drama club and a volunteer group, but for me, I was starting to stray away from those. That group of friends was all I had, really, but as the summer between freshman and sophomore year rolled around, I quickly became a stranger. The essential friends were established in the group, but I guess they felt bad for me because I had no one else, so they let me stick around. They walked all over me, ignored what I had to say, made snide remarks at me, but still considered me to be a friend. Despite being hurt by them, I never left their side. I realized I was the filler friend, the fluff friend. You know in bags of potato chips where half the bag is filled with chips and the rest is air? They were the chips and I was the air.
In my sophomore year of high school I only had one best friend who was a senior, and to this day she is still my ride or dies. We shared the exact interests: boy bands, TV shows, and staying away from anyone who smoked or drank for fun like the plague. As everyone in our classes got older and the pressure and workload of high school got heavier and heavier, they started trying alcohol and pot. In a small town with nothing else to do, it's no surprise that bored middle to upper-middle class kids had the money for weed. Having one another was refreshing. We spent our money on concert tickets and music, and to us, that was our escape. That got us high in ways drugs never could. We read books and watched YouTube videos and danced in our kitchens, and we were happy. When she graduated, nothing changed between us, but waking up to go to school became a drag, and the hallways and classrooms were more lonely than ever before.
The summer before my senior year of high school I experienced a huge culture shock. I started dating someone who smoked pot daily, and to them, it was just part of the routine. I really liked this person, so I put aside my deep-seeded hatred for all things drug related and rode along with him and his joint toting friends. It was a summer that really changed me and opened my eyes. The kids from school I hated for getting high were as normal as normal could be, because I was hanging out with them myself. When school started again, I became friends with a lot of kids who smoked and drank, because they were just people. They weren't "the stoner kids." They were just normal kids.
This little group of friends I had accumulated loved me for me and respected my choices of staying sober. They never pressured me or made me feel bad for never wanting to get high with them. However, there was one person in the group who made me feel as though I was walking on eggshells when talking to her. "You have to try it someday," she would always say to me no matter now many times I expressed my disinterest in pot. Everyone else was completely accepting.
The only problem I had with these friends is that after school, I didn't exist to them. They never invited me anywhere, and it seemed as though the entire group would meet up without me. It was so strange, it was like they forgot about me once we all got home from school, but I never gave it a second thought because again, these were my only friends. As time went on I felt more and more excluded. They made plans in front of me to go hiking or cliff jumping and didn't once ask if I wanted to tag along. They probably assumed I wouldn't want to go because I knew they'd be smoking, but I would have appreciated the offer to spend time with them. They never once offered to spend time with me during the school year. I never asked them, because I didn't think I had the power to do so. They made me feel so excluded, so I didn't bother trying to include myself. Once again, I felt like a puff of air in a bag of chips.
The only time I saw my entire friend group outside of school was my graduation party in July of 2015. This is one of my favorite memories, but it was extremely bittersweet. Everything was going very well, and our conversation around my fire pit was mesmerizing. A lot of the stories were stories of when they were drunk or high, so I couldn't relate, but it was still fascinating. For once I felt like all of my best friends wanted to be around me. The night was going well until one of my friends piped up and said he brought a baggie of weed. Instantly, and without consulting me, almost all of my friends got up and followed this kid to his car to smoke. The whole time they were gone I sat silently in the firelight, crying. They came back forty-five minutes later, bringing a trail of marijuana smell with them. I felt betrayed for some reason because they knew I didn't smoke but still brought pot to my party. After that night, I never spoke to anyone in my friend group again. This confirmed my potato chip air status.
A year after the graduation party I still have not heard from my friends. Yes, I have tried reaching out, but my attempts got me nowhere. I have accepted that these people are no longer my friends and finalizing the uncertainty has given me peace of mind. I have my small circle now and with them, I am content.
Here's what I learned.
Despite the friendship rollercoaster I was on for the last four years of my life, living a sober lifestyle isn't all loneliness and exclusion. I have found a few friends that have never left my side no matter what I choose to do with my free time. These are the friends that make me feel included and loved. I might even say they make me feel like a chip, and not the air that fills the bag.
It is okay to be the sober friend. There will be people along to way that will make you feel lesser because you don't want to partake, and there will be people who accept you as you are. Stick to your guns, and stay true to your values because no one can take those away from you. If you're feeling alone, it is guaranteed that there are other people around you who share the same values as you. Remain close to the people that want you around, as these are the lifelong friends. Don't get down on yourself when you find yourself excluded, because you will soon learn that these are not the quality friends you deserve. By no means am I saying you should disregard the people that do smoke, drink, and party. That is their lifestyle and you should respect that. They are not "bad friends," but watch out for the ones who disregard you for choosing to not take part. The background your friends come from or what they choose to do in their free time should nothave anything to do with how they treat you.
My final message is to my readers who do smoke, drink, or party. Please do everything responsibly, for one. In addition, please don't disregard your fellow sober friends. Don't be like the people in my life, and please include them in your activities. Respect their choices and don't force them to do anything or make them feel bad for not taking part. Lastly, I hope this has helped you understand where I, and many others, come from.
