I am constantly seeing perfect marriages in movies and television shows. I even see perfect marriages at my friends' houses. However, a perfect marriage was nowhere to be found in my house. My parents got divorced when I was only 4 years old, and at the time I had no idea what that meant.
As far as I was concerned my dad was on a business trip and my mom was meeting with “friends” in the kitchen with big, yellow file folders and fancy pens. Something was off, but how would a 4-year-old know?
How do you explain to a 4-year-old that she would now have two houses, two rooms, and divorced parents that did not love each other anymore?
You can’t.
The process eventually settled down and my new life fell into place, yet the emotional roller coaster had just begun. I was always concerned with what my friends thought about me and if I would be judged or not that my parents weren't married.
Keep in mind I was young and had no prior knowledge of what “divorce” actually entailed. None of my friends had divorced parents at the time and some days I felt like I had no one to relate to. However, having an older sibling was a major asset.
It was kind of like built-in therapy. My older brother knew more about what was going on then I did and made it his mission to constantly make me laugh and take my mind off of things. Even if we were fighting, it was a distraction.
As the years passed and I grew older, having two houses and two rooms wasn’t even a second thought, it was a lifestyle. I was constantly packing bags for my mom or dad’s house and was always making sure that I did not leave anything behind.
In a way, this process made me more responsible with my belongings. People would always ask me “how do you handle two rooms?” and when I say that it became second nature they look at me as if that’s an accomplishment.
My parent's divorce was certainly not an accomplishment and is definitely not something that I would wish upon anyone.
So, when people give me that “accomplishment look” I can’t help but feel offended. It’s not like I scored a goal in Soccer or received an A on a test. All I did was adapt to what was handed to me and moved on.
Some divorces are better than others. Some divorces can be ugly. And when I say ugly, I mean ugly. I believe that my parent’s divorce led me to be the woman I am today. I may not be able to say that I am a college student that has married parents. But, what I am able to say is that I am a college student with two parents who love me very much and made sure that I was always taken care of.
I grew up faster than my peers around me and became more mature at a young age. Also, I have the skills to be extra cautious in my relationships, knowing that the outcome may not always be pretty.
I know that love may not always be true love.
I know that marriage is not easy.
And I definitely know that everything happens for a reason.
My brother and I were lucky enough to have each other growing up. Without a shoulder to cry on, the process would have been much more brutal. In the end, I would not change the way I grew up because I am now more responsible, mature, and get double the birthday presents every year.
