I was born and raised in a small town in what many people consider northern Maine. With a population of about 3,000 my graduating class was about 84. One of the most noticeable things about not only my specific class but also my high school and the entire town is the lack of diversity. About 98 percent of our town is white people, which is not a bad thing. But it can become difficult when many of those people are uneducated of people of different cultures because they have not been exposed.
This article is written strictly on experiences of my own family. My dad is half Filipino, I am one fourth. I understand that many of these things could have been much worse growing up and thousands of people go through worse everyday. I just wanted to put some of my life into words and put into light the struggles I have had, even though I am barely Filipino. I hope that one day this article will be useless and untrue, but today, it is the lives of many people. I apologize if anyone is offended by my writing. (Also, these events are completely anonymous and this does not include names, nor will I disclose them)
1. Assumptions
“Oh, so you have darker skin and a diverse last name? So you’re African American or Native American. No? So you’re Hispanic. No?” Then you get the silent confusion. They ran out of minorities that they know. “If you aren’t any of those, your tan must be fake.” My reply is always no, Filipino is the word. “But your dad looks Mexican.” That one is always a kicker. The great assumption from what my dad looks like, with the incorrect word to describe him.
2. Never having your name pronounced correctly
This one used to bother me more as a kid being announced in class and at assemblies, always with a stutter before the last name, or even not saying it at all. (Thankfully there weren’t any other Danis in my school.) But I have learned to take it with a grain of salt. Although that becomes hard when it’s been 18 years and people you know still can’t say it, or choose to say it wrong to make fun of it. The pronunciations have come to be hilarious, my friends and I guessing what the new one will be, and spelling it before I am even asked.
3. Racist jokes
All through school I had multiple occasions at which people made jokes assuming that everyone around shared their opinions, or in many cases, their parents' opinions. That is the problem with racism, people are not born racist, they are raised racist. They hear it at home, they are told jokes at home, and when their parents laugh they assume it must be funny. In my high school we had approximately three African American students and maybe three other minorities floating around. So the others would make jokes unknowingly offending not only myself, but many other students around.
One even tried to assume my family was trailer-trash. It’s sad the amount of backing that these students have to make such comments.
4. Racist people
I was in seventh grade the first time someone used the N-word toward me. I was sitting quietly after school and the student just walked up and said it. I was both surprised and confused, I knew what the word meant and I am not African American. Although apparently the student thought the word was appropriate. Thankfully, the matter was taken care of. But from that day on I started realizing more comments around me, more racist remarks and inappropriate language. It opened my eyes to a world that I had been ignoring, a world that offended me greatly.
5. Being an example
Just like every other student and school, I was taught about slavery almost every year for 12 years, and it is a subject that should be taught. But I learned something new in high school the week that we studied slavery junior year. I learned that my teacher felt comfortable asking specific questions only of me. “How does this make you feel?” “How upset are you?” “Does this book offend you?” At first I was incredibly confused and didn’t get why she was only asking me. Then I realized, whenever I made a comment about the book she became very nervous, scared and defensive. My friends came to me, they had realized the same thing. She was making an example out of me, using my apparent knowledge of the subject to teach. A knowledge that I in fact did not have. This was the first, but not the last time this happened.
6. Making it a big deal
Once I was taught my family background on my dad’s side, I became very interested and wanted to know more. So I did research, with the very little information I have on my grandfather. I thought it was fun to tell people of my heritage. When teachers brought it up, I would get excited to share. Then it became an ordeal. Kids brought it up at random times, comparing my new found enjoyment with bad things, and bringing it up when it was unnecessary. It instead became something to pick at. I am very proud of my heritage and love to tell everyone of it. But in normal conversation, it was unnecessary to make excuses based on it.
7. Rumors
These are when it can get really nasty, and could potentially hurt a person’s future. When my dad first met my mom and they started dating, there were a fair share of rumors that you would expect in a small town. All the usual that come with a new relationship for a single mother. But what took it to the next level was the rumors about my father, a darker skinned man, with the looks of a Filipino. Right off, the rumors began -- the worst around town was that my dad was a “Mexican drug-dealer.” Not only was it offensive to my father, but that they also made assumptions about people from Mexico. This really affected the way that my mother’s friends and family looked at my father until things were cleared up. These rumors were based on what my dad looked like instead of his actual personality, making assumptions and making rumors because he was a new person that didn’t look like everyone else.
8. Standing out
I was never offended when people commented on my dark skin, especially in the summer. But at a young age I started seeing a difference between my friends and me. In many cases I used to think that it was so awesome to be so much darker since everyone seems to love the tan look. This part was much less of a problem for me than it would have been if I was darker. Then there was this one picture. All of my friends looked so nice and pretty and they all matched, and then there was me, it seemed like I was in a shadow. It started to bother me. I have always loved standing out, but I always wanted to stand out based on my personality or my actions, not my skin color and heritage. I would rather stand out by choice then stand out because I am different than everyone else based on my look.
9. The questions
“Are you sure you’re not African American?” “Are you sure you’re not Hispanic?” Both questions that I have been asked at one time or another. “How come you can’t speak another language?” Well because I was raised in Maine. “Are you sure it’s Filipino?” Yes, I am aware of my own culture, this question and the first two are the most common and honestly the most annoying. They second guess my heritage as if they know better than I do. “Does that mean you’re an immigrant?” “Your dad must be an immigrant.” In fact both my father and I were born in Maine, with my grandfather being a legal immigrant. Both my father and grandfather have also served in the military. I don’t know how you can think that you know more about a person than they do.
10. Arguments
I have actually had the same argument multiple times with multiple different people, but I would like to highlight two people, specifically two teachers. Two teachers who made arguments with me on two different occasions, about my own heritage and how I was apparently supposed to be acting. One expected me to speak another language based on my looks, and continued to argue that I was not staying true to my heritage by speaking the language, although it was not my culture. The second teacher fought that I was not allowed to mark my ethnicity on a standardized test as a pacific islander (which I am) because she in fact did not believe that I was although I told her I was. This is just two of many arguments that I have been in the middle of due to my skin color.
Although my skin color has made my life different because of where I grew up, I wouldn’t want it any other way. It has taught me to look at people differently and to have a tough skin. Also, it has taught me that there are still people out there who do not understand people of other ethnicities and do not accept them. Where I live there are still many people who are racist, and I had the pleasure of being one of the few flies in a bowl of milk.
