You take a glance back at your phone. No new messages, no nothing, and it's only 9 p.m. as you head back from class. You check all your social media, for what seems like the 5,000th time, and see all your new college “friends” out and about. Whether it’s at a basketball game, a huge party, or just a night in with their friends, you wonder to yourself what you did to not be invited, what you did wrong, or what you didn’t do. You check your Snapchat—apparently it was the first snow of the season last night, but you were too preoccupied with your own damn self that you couldn’t even look out the freaking window. They’re taking over.
Oh, and a quick side note, those pictures you see on Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook are just the sugar-coated, warped, and fabricated parts of college. It’s a façade: people are only gonna post the fun stuff, right? You’re not going to see someone lying in their room, feeling alone and desolate, just like you were a paragraph ago. No one wants to see how college can rear its ugly head. No one wants to see or hear about the “not-so-fun times” of college on social media. Nobody probably wants to hear about what I’m writing right now (and if you are still reading, then I tip my hat to you). You’re probably aware of all this, but your mind and perceptions only allow you to see how much fun everyone else is having and how much you’re not.
Anyways, you then think to yourself, I probably wouldn’t have any people to enjoy the snowfall with anyways, it’s just my buddies: me, myself, and I (we’re pretty tight.) Your already closet of a dorm then starts feeling like a jail cell. You feel the walls caving in and crumbling from all the music, partying, and friendship that is happening on both sides of your room. The thoughts of transferring become very real, transferring from the place you nearly fell in love with on the tour last year. You can't quit and start over now. It’s too late to turn back. You think to yourself, out of desperation, that you feel that you have zero value on the social market, compared to your times at high school.
Ah, high school—you love going back to those good ol’ days. The days where your best friends are just down the hall sitting at the lunch table you guys always sat at. Those were the days. You still keep in contact with all of them, how could you not? But as time goes on, as you sit in your cell that acts as a dorm room, the more time you spend with yourself, your thoughts, and social media, you see them all having fun, separately. This is where you start to lose it. How come the people, to whom you were very similar and shared so much time together, seem so well off at their school? You must be doing something wrong now. There is not a doubt in your mind that this all just a fluke, but rather it’s a definite that you are the one to blame.
The days of high school are gone, the days of having your best friends by your side throughout those four years are over. The days where you had such a strong support system are gone, the days where you’d come home from school and your mother leaves a big plate spaghetti for you are gone, history, finished. Welcome to the real world of college, the foot in the door of the real world. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows like how everyone says it is. It’s not the far-fetched reality people live in on social media. You’re on your own. While you know you have the support from your friends and family back home, it just never feels as strong and present because they are not physically there.
This whole process of grief and loneliness will repeat itself, I could write an encyclopedia and then some on this depressing, crippling, and damaging process, but the thoughts will only grow stronger and pillage and plunder your mind if you don’t break the cycle. Yes, believe it or not, I have been trapped in this cycle, but the only way to break it is to a) make changes, and b) put yourself out there. Be the initiator. Do not be passive and let everything happen to you—make life happen. The worst thing that can happen is people say no, and if they say no then they were never worth your time in the first place. Keep looking and keep strong. Always know that you are not alone. And if you don’t believe that, know that I am in the same boat with you, so that’s someone. In a time of loneliness that you may be in, just, please, always keep in mind that many others are as well very lonely. The solution to your seemingly eternal problem of loneliness can be as easy as saying the word "hi", or grabbing lunch with another person, but it’s up to you, my friend.
Remember that starting college is just like learning how to ride a bike without the training wheels. Let's throw it back, shall we? Your mom and dad are there to push alongside you as you begin to pedal, but as you pick up speed, you no longer feel the warmth of their hands, and you then proceed to crash onto the unforgiving pavement. You start to ball your eyes out as your parents run over to you and kiss your boo-boos. They give you a nice, big hug. They pick you up, dust you off, hype you up for your next ride, and they tell you to get back on the bike. And you do. Your parents suited you up this time, throwing on your helmet, knee pads, and elbow pads, everything you need to support another fall, and now you are ready to go. You hop on that bike, your parents push you along the way, you're picking up some speed, you feel their hands leave you, like a jet leaving the ground, but this time, you, yes you my friend, are flying across the driveway. You feel the wind through the holes in your helmet, you hear your parents cheering you on as you scorch across the blacktop: this new feeling is like no other. As you descend from this new cloud nine, you quickly realize that you don't know how to stop! You pedal back to your parents, yearning to celebrate with them, but you can't stop! You get closer and closer, and you speed up towards them and they jump out of the way. Slam! Your momentum is halted by the garage door.As you try to muster the strength to get up in a haze, all teary-eyed, you hear your mom say to your dad, "lesson number 2 is teaching that kid how to stop."
Stay tuned for more next week.
