Breaking up with you wasn't an easy decision. In fact, it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. It was caused by a build up of pointless arguments of not seeing eye to eye, and of days feeling unappreciated and sometimes even unloved. It took countless nights of thinking and thousands of tears to decide, but I finally knew breaking up with you was something I had to do.
Breaking up with you didn't mean I loved you any less or that I stopped loving you. I was still full heartedly in love with you. Not the casual high school love either. I saw you in my future- in my forever. I saw you being the one I'd fall asleep next to every night and the one I'd wake up beside every morning. I planned on you being the one I’d read my wedding vows to and the one my kids would call “dad”. I saw you beside me through every obstacle and blessing life had to throw at us. I remember you would get so annoyed with me as I got caught up in our future. I constantly questioned you about where we would live, how many kids would we have, and what would we name them. That's how I saw my life, though. I saw it with you.
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Breaking up with you meant I was letting go of the future I've always wanted. It meant our memories together were now nothing, but heartache. It meant that I could no longer call you mine and that my nights would feel lonely. Breaking up with you meant I was going to lose the one person I could run to, my biggest supporter, and my best friend. I wasn't only going to lose you, but I was going to lose people that consider me a part of their family and loved me like I was – your parents, sister, grandparents. It meant I had to try to fill a void now – an emptiness.
But breaking up with you also meant that I could learn to love myself. It meant I could go find myself and not think twice about taking new opportunities. It meant I could be selfish in my actions- no longer needing to make sacrifices. I could now learn to be independent and how not to rely on a guy to make me feel worthy. I no longer had to beg for attention or fall asleep wondering what I did wrong. It meant I could explore college without limitations and I could travel for as long and far as I wanted to without being held back.
For you, it meant that you could grow – learning how to love deeper, appreciate more, and communicate stronger. It meant that you could follow your dreams without having a reason not to. It meant that you could just be a teenager living life with no commitments or promises.
Just because I let you go, didn't mean I wanted to- we were just a little too naive. Maybe we're right for each other and it was just the wrong time. Maybe one day we’ll cross paths again when we're older and wiser. Maybe it was the best thing I could've done for myself or maybe it was my biggest mistake. Breaking up with you meant I shattered my heart- just so I could fix it.
