If you look at me you will hopefully see a bright, happy person that is excited just be living. If you talk to me hopefully you will get my humor and be interested in talking more. However, if you dig deeper than surface level with me you'll see that I've been hurt time and time again but I put on a front so no one can tell.
I love easily and I love hard. Whether it is with relationships or friendships I always put whole self into it. For the longest time, I would give everything to my friends and boys. Then when they were bored or mad at me, I would be forgotten about or treated poorly. Eventually, they would come back around and act like nothing happened. I would easily fall back into trying to please them and walk on eggshells around them. This started a sick cycle. I always came back after boys or friends hurt me. I always forgave and forgot what they had done to me.
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Over the past few years I've had to go into friendships and relationships being guarded. I've realized that if I don't want to be hurt like I have been I cannot fall for the bull that I used to. It becomes difficult when I want to date or become friends with someone. I am so scared to get hurt like I have been before that I would just rather not even give people a chance to hurt me.
It often confuses people on why I am so hesitant to be friends with them. I try to explain without actually explaining that I don't get into deep friendships easily. It takes time for me to trust someone and give them all of me. It can't be instantaneous because that makes me relive my past relationship and friendships. Trust has to be earned with me over time. A friendship or relationship cannot be rushed. When it is rushed that is when I pull back. I distance myself because I can see myself potentially being hurt. I know that if invest myself too much in a relationship of any kind I will end up hurt.
So my advice to you if you're trying to be my friend or want to be more than that give me sometime. Show me that I can trust you. Be there for me when I need someone, but I refuse to ask. Ask me how I am, how my day was, etc. I promise you I will return your kindness. Give me space when I need it. Most of all, don't take me too seriously.
