Everyone says that their father is their best friend, role model, and first love. He is the person who spoils his daughter and loves her unconditionally. He would do anything to protect her and to save her from the world that could be so hurtful and full of pain.
I never got to experience any of that.
I didn't know my father that well. I could only remember bits and pieces and those memories weren't the best. I remember all the yelling in my house, the emotional and physical abuse. The negativity infecting my young mind and poisoning my perception of the family. I remember him walking out, leaving me. I remember he was the first male in my life to break my trust.
I never got to experience going to the park and having my dad pushing me on the swings or walking me to school every day. I never said the word "daddy" and I never had a male figure to look up to in my life.
I was never a daddy's girl and never will be. It is hard to look at other people spending time on the weekends with their fathers and not be jealous. I envied the relationships my friends had and I wanted one for myself. I resented myself.
I felt like there was something wrong with me because he didn't want me. Growing up, this feeling carried on. I never thought I was good enough for anything or anyone.
Elementary school was the hardest part of growing up without a father. Never being able to go to Father-Daughter Dances, never being able to participate in bring your daughter to work day, or making father's day cards in class. Everyone had their father's to pick them up after school, or supporting them at sporting events, but I didn't.
Don't get me wrong, my mom is an amazing mother who I am forever grateful for. She is my rock and my best friend. She may not be my biological mother, but she is the only one I know and the only one I care about. She has been there for me through everything. She is the one thing my father did right, he left me with her. He left me with one of the most influential people in my life.
So I want to thank my father for giving me the most important person in my life.
