What is a Man? Look at America today, how do we define manhood? How do we act out manhood? What characteristics do our male leaders hold, and are they ones you approve of? In present culture manhood is typically defined as a guy who is strong, tough, vulgar, macho, full of himself, and not necessarily too bright; you know, manly. But as I have been reflecting on the current state of our country, politically and socially, I began to realize the misconceptions we as a culture have of what a “Man” should be. So, if I may have the privilege, I would like to offer a counter definition of how to be a “Man.” I would like to share with my dear reader the speech I gave at my high school graduation from an all male school about what defines a “True Man."
Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been given the honor of speaking to you about the future. Well I'm not going to pretend that I have wisdom, because like everyone keeps telling me, “You are not a grown up yet.” But I will draw upon what we have learned in these last four or so years, and remind us of values that, if we follow them, will lead to success wherever life takes us, and will prove us to truly be the men we have become. Because McQuaid, in addition to teaching us math and English and you know the stuff you slept through, McQuaid has taught us how to be men.
Who do you think of when you think of a true man? Maybe Ghengis Khan or Mike Ditka or Mark McGwire. Maybe Davey Crockett or Johnny Cash or Blackbeard (and therefor all pirates in general).
Or maybe you think of Albert Einstein or Pythagoras or Louis Wood or Hurley Smith (inventor of the pocket protector).
Well regardless of which side you support in the jocks v. nerds debate, when I think of a true man I think of someone who is on neither of those lists. I think of Atticus Finch. Perhaps this character from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird seems like an unusual choice. A gentleman in a three piece suit. A man who was quiet instead of brash. Polite instead of macho. A lawyer who used his mind instead of his fists, who walked away from insults. Who did not gamble or smoke. Yes, Atticus may not seem very manly, at least when measured by the modern rubric for manliness.
But it is the subtlety of his manliness, the way he carried himself, taught his children, made his choices, that makes his manliness all the more real, all the more potent. Because Atticus is a true example of integrity and integrity encompasses many of the best and most admirable traits in a man. To quote Brett McKay, founder of the Art of Manliness, “Integrity encompasses: honesty, uprightness, trustworthiness, fairness, loyalty, and the courage to keep one’s word and one’s promises, regardless of the consequences. It implies the state of being complete, undivided, intact, and unbroken. Integrity is the bond that holds a man’s other virtues together; it is the mark of a man who has successfully integrated all good principles.” So as we leave high school, no matter where life takes us, let us always remember to be the men we know we can be – men of integrity.
A man of integrity is honest because he knows that there is no real happiness to be found in struggling to remember his lies. So as we enter into the world, let us remember our honesty.
A man of integrity is reliable. People know he will do what he says he will do. So let us always follow-through with the things we have promised. There is nothing more valuable than your good name.
A man of integrity is reflective; he knows what he believes. These next few years will present us with new people and new ideas. Listen to the views of others, figure out what matters to you, and learn how to defend your beliefs. Because when a crisis comes, a man of integrity knows where he stands and remains true to his convictions.
A man of integrity does not compromise his morals, even on the little things. When a great man falls from grace, we often wonder what he did wrong. But the truth is he didn’t wake up one day and decide to mess up. It started with a small allowance here, and a little lie there. From there he just kept on making small compromises, and it is a slippery slope. So have the discipline to not compromise on the little things, and you won’t fail on the big ones.
A man of integrity takes responsibility for his own actions. A true man realizes he is in control of his life. He is responsible for his own successes and failures. So if you fail, own up to it and take responsibility. And when you succeed, take pride in knowing you did that.
On the subject of success, a man of integrity does not take credit for the success of others. Never take someone else's work and try to pass it off as your own. Give credit where credit is due, and congratulate others on their successes. Likewise, work hard to achieve your own success and take pride in knowing it was all you.
A man of integrity does not pretend to be someone he is not. Be proud of the man you are, and never let anyone tell you you are not good enough.
A man of integrity values his character over monetary gain. If anyone pressures you to make unethical decisions, walk away, even if it is your boss. It is not worth compromising your morals to get promoted. A man of true integrity will get ahead in life; he just needs to be the best at what he does.
And finally, and most importantly a man of integrity cares for others. We have been hearing this all along at McQuaid Jesuit; we are “men for others.” Two service projects in particular make me so proud of our graduating class. They are the McQuaid Ballers Program and serving as pall bearers for a homeless man. These two acts of service and love exemplify, for me, the men we have become. We have all given our time and selves to the service of others, and I ask you why did you do it? Was it because it was required? I hope not, I hope it was because we as men know it is what we are called to do. And the gratitude of those we serve and the impact we can make on other people's lives without even knowing it ought to show us the value of service. So as the men we have become let us continue to put others first and keep serving our communities and the world as best we can.
Gentlemen, we entered McQuaid as boys and are leaving as men. Let us remember Atticus Finch whom we were given as the model of integrity when we first started at McQuaid. And let us realize it is his traits of integrity that make him a true man. So as the men we have become let us strive to have integrity: to be honest, reliable, firm in our beliefs, uncompromising in our morals, responsible for our actions, true in our success, honest to who we are, unselfish in our character, and always men for and with others. Good luck brothers in all you do, I love you.
Thank you.
