What even is closure?
When you Google "closure," it says this: "An act or process of closing something, especially an institution, thoroughfare, or frontier, or of being closed" - which makes it sound like they’re talking about your favorite department store being closed for the season. Off to the side of the screen it shows a link to computer programming by the name of “Closure” so it seems like not even Google knows what closure is.
I believe the idea of emotional closure comes from the idea that after something terrible has happened to a person, closure means you are no longer hurt by it-- the idea that that chapter is over or "closed" and no one needs to open it or reread it because it’s over and. You are healed from whatever the chapter contained.
I think most people view closure in the form of an apology, which makes sense. When someone apologizes for wronging and/or hurting you, it becomes easier than it would be otherwise to forgive them and move on with your life. An apology is the type of gold seal stuck to the end of the painful chapter of one’s life that marks it as read and makes it easier to move on.
But what about when you don’t get that closure in the form of an apology?
I was hurt. My senior year of high school I was hurt, moreover just destroyed by someone. I was also incredibly limited in how I could stand up and fight for myself. I reached out for closure, but I never begged for an apology (though maybe I should have tried that.) After ten months of direct pain and even more months of indirect pain, I never got the apology I hoped for.
I got to thinking.
I said what I needed to say in regard to the situation I found myself in. I very quickly realized that the best closure I was ever going to get was the knowledge that I did all that I could. I did my part. Sometimes no closure is closure in a way. If someone is too afraid to apologize to you or admit they did you wrong, that just means you win. If they had nothing to be sorry for they’d let you know, they'd say "I'm sorry but I think you have the wrong person." They wouldn’t hide. Otherwise, by staying silent they know they did you wrong and are just too afraid to admit it. That can be closure in itself. No closure-- no apology, can still be closure.
