Emails, text messages, notifications, Snapchats, you name it. They can drown out the thought process and make a quieter person quiver. It takes enough energy to keep up with one person, let alone five who seem to need your attention in a single moment. Sometimes it's hard not to crave the past, to live in a time where silence was better accepted.
Though the points of contact can be petty, they can still be tiring to a person who isn't an extrovert. The constant conversation takes away from necessary time alone, and sometimes this alone time is misconstrued.
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People often confuse what the term “introvert" actually means. It doesn't necessarily refer to wanting to avoid social interaction; it refers to how a person uses energy. In the scientific and psychological sense, according to psychology expert Kendra Cherry, “introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved and introspective. Unlike extroverts who gain energy from social interaction, introverts have to expand energy in social situations. After attending a party or spending time in a large group of people, introverts often feel a need to 'recharge' by spending a period of time alone."
We don't hate you. We don't hate family reunions or small talk (okay, maybe sometimes). We just struggle to tune in constantly, and we sometimes struggle to make a first impression.
Introverts are used to (but tired of) hearing these statements.
“Stop being anti-social."
Introverts have to take the time to be alone to enjoy being social at all. We don't want to be “lone wolves" or friendless; we just need a little time to gather our scattered thoughts. If we stay at home on a Friday night, it's because it's best for our sanity. We may even want to hang out; we just realize we'd be bad company because we crave a cup of tea and our beds.
“When I first met you, I thought you were [rude/stuck-up/cold/didn't like me]."
Quiet doesn't equal mean. That's a direct quote from my brother, who's had people view his introversion as coldness. I, too, have been told more times than I can count that people thought I “didn't like them" at first. Introverts are more observant than interaction-based, so they may approach a situation more carefully at first. Especially in large group dynamics, a quiet person may be more hesitant to claim the spotlight. All too often, people misinterpret this silence as disapproval or arrogance.
“Answer your phone."
No.
“Are you okay?"
Yes, I am fine. Even though I have a concerned look on my face, I may be daydreaming about whether to date Robert Downey, Jr. or John Mayer. I'm not necessarily sad or depressed if I'm not speaking, I may genuinely have nothing to say.
“You are hard to get to know."
Introverts are used to being told that they are “very good listeners," which is certainly a compliment to be treasured. The only downfall is that they can be uncomfortable talking about themselves and need more time to foster important relationships.
“You never go out."
Once a week at most is good for me, thank you very much.
“You're so quiet."
This statement always makes me feel anxious and judged. I realize someone will say it because I truly can be quiet, but they may also say it because they're uncomfortable with the void in conversation. Too many people can't handle the absence of noise. While it is an amazing thing to sit in silence with someone comfortably, these moments are becoming more and more rare. Our generation finds these situations "awkward," so we jump to fill the peace with our voice and condemn those who choose not to.
Hey, perhaps introverts are less evolved and need more time to incubate in their caves of comforters and paperback books. That's most likely the case, but I tend to think someone who uses their voice wisely is more powerful than one who uses theirs recklessly.
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