Anxiety as defined by Webster Dictionary is, "fear or nervousness about what might happen." For me, anxiety is my brain's best friend. The best friend that constantly tears you down inside and makes you feel hopeless at times. The kind of friend that really isn't a friend. It's the little voice inside your head telling you that you can't do something because of the one time you had a panic attack in that spot. It's the voice inside your head asking what if this or what if that happens. What if? Why base our lives around two simple words that have no definite answer?
Ever since I was little, I was so concerned about what the future held and terrified of losing the ones I loved that caused me to break down if they weren't home in exactly 15 minutes like they said. It would eat at me inside if I would study for hours for a test and still fail. I was what you call, a worry wart. It wasn't the worrying or the constant fear that drove me down a hill but the pain that it causes. It caused me to constantly say no to different events, to hide away in my room from the time I got home until it was time to go to bed. I was so terrified of everything, including myself. I thought that if I stayed in my room, there wasn't nearly as much that I could worry and overthink about.
Was that true though? Not at all. Even though I stayed tucked in my bed in my room, tucked inside the idea that I was safe in there. Tucked under the anxiety and letting it take over me. There was still a whole world out there, outside of those four walls. A world of car accidents, terrorist attacks, weather disasters but also a world of pumpkin patches, coffee dates, and road trips. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that although I am hiding away from living my life, life still happens.
It's important to remember that no matter what, life is still going to move on. You cannot control what is bound to happen and what is meant to be. This day could be the best day of your life but you might miss it over the fear of what if. There's so many goals to strive for and adventures to go on. Don't base your life on a question that you don't have an answer for. I know it is so much easier said than done and that it would be easiest to close this tab after you finish reading and start watching Netflix but I urge you to get out. Break out of your comfort shell and that What If question that constantly surrounds you. Go out and be the person you want to be. Have faith in yourself to live your life. You got this!
